Hello friends,
Wow.
This last month has been a doozie, eh?
Although I practiced daily everything I know to help me sink in, enjoy the moment, and just flow with the energy that is, I found the last few weeks to be a major challenge. It was almost laughable how much I was throwing at the wall to try and chill out and make everything work without running myself ragged, but it just wasn’t working. Because of this I had the added weight of imposter syndrome because I feel like if I can’t do that for myself, how can I hold space and advocate for anyone else doing it? And from the conversations I’ve been having with other women, I know I’m not alone in the struggle to find more time and the feeling of just not getting it right. The pace of life really did get hot and fast out of nowhere at the start of September, and most days I’ve been finding myself challenged to keep up, trying to figure out how I was going to fit it all in.
Because of the intense pace that has set in with work, school, and parenting obligations recently, I’ve found myself reflecting a lot on the concept of time, and how the lack of or abundance of it governs so much of our lives. How the paradox of it is that we need to surrender to the limitations of time, while also exercising our sovereignty in choosing to make space for more time that is full of calm and ease. I’m fascinated by Kairos time, the idea of which I’ve been playing with stepping into to get away from the frantic pace that has set in. If you’ve never heard of Kairos time, this is how it is described by one of my favourite teachers, Rebecca Campbell:
“The ancient Greeks spoke of two different types of time: Kairos time and Chronos time. Chronos time is linear time—time that can be measured in seconds, minutes, hours, and years. It’s the type of time that is required to arrive at an appointment on time, meet a deadline, or catch a bus.
Kairos time is soul time.
It is the place where all healing happens, where all intuition resides, where all serendipity happens and where all creative ideas come to you whole.”
As with all things in life, time, and the managing of it, is a paradox. Time is infinite as the universe is infinite, however, it is also finite. Our days end, our mornings come, and we are limited by Chronos time with how much we can do in a day. We need Chronos time—that’s how we are able to live on a schedule, to respect appointments, other people’s boundaries, and also our own limitations as human beings. (We need to eat and sleep after all.) But without moments spent in Kairos time, we are overly immersed in linear time, in to-do lists, in being governed by a clock, and we were never meant to exist entirely without the other side of time, the one that feels spacious, supportive, loving, and infinite.
You can recognize when you’re in Kairos time, or infinite time, when you feel like you’ve only been doing something for a short period but you look up and realize that somehow an hour or more has passed; or conversely, when you’ve only been doing something for a short while, but it’s felt much longer. It’s that feeling you might remember when you were a kid playing outside after dinner, when you only had one more hour before bedtime to play. That hour felt precious because it would end soon, and also felt endless because you were going to squeeze everything you could out of it. That hour stretched open because you willed it so. Afterwards, when it was over, you went to bed happily exhausted and satisfied because that time in the infinite was all you needed to feel the magic.
As adults, stepping into Kairos time is more challenging because we have more to do and more responsibilities that rely on linear time being adhered to. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make space for that magic hour feeling. In fact, it means we need it more.
This past weekend I had the privilege of going up to our cottage overnight with my husband while our parents watched the kids. I set the intention of stepping into Kairos time for as much of it as I could. I laid on the dock with a blanket over me in the late afternoon, and I waited until the old, familiar anxiety passed of having to get up and do something or help someone. And once that feeling passed, it was like walking into a different existence. It wasn’t for long, but for that time that I lay on the dock, I soaked up the essence of infinity, of space, of expansion.
When I got up so that we could start making dinner, I knew that by the time I got back to the city the next day the hustle would try to knock it’s way back in, but because I had allowed myself those moments on the other side of time, I felt better prepared to re-enter my daily life because I had created an opportunity for my body, my mind, and my soul to be recharged.
Prompt Of The Month
So on that note, the Prompt Of The Month is about how you can find ways that work for you to surrender, to let go of trying to fit it all in, and to find a way to stretch and ease time for yourself—if for only a few moments a day.
Get set up:
Grab your notebook, light a candle if that feels good, and take 6 deep cycles of breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth to settle into your body and the moment. Once you feel like you’re “here”, answer the following prompts—all of them or maybe just one—letting the writing flow without stopping or judging. Make a commitment to write for at least five minutes, but if you’re there for longer, great!
How can I surrender to “what is” rather than trying to force a way for “what is not possible” into existence?
How can I create more space to step into a slower pace each day, even if it’s only for five minutes a day?
What can I do now so that my future self will thank me?
If you can’t carve out the time to write this month, just take these prompts as ideas to ponder—on a walk, in the shower, however, and whenever you can.
Pose of the Month: Child’s Pose or Balasana
I chose to offer up Child’s Pose as the pose of the month because this is a shape that embodies and evokes surrender. And by surrender, I don’t mean capitulation or giving in. I mean surrendering to what is, to the moment, to the circumstance that you find yourself in, rather than trying to make life be something that it isn’t. In a way, it’s a pose that stops time for the extent that you’re in it. It also invites you to close your eyes, to have a moment where all you see is the space behind your eyes, all you hear is your breath moving in and out, giving you a moment to tap into the whispers of your inner life, where the real wisdom lies within your heart space. This is the place where the part of you that knows—that really knows—resides.
There are many benefits that come along with this pose, and several ways you can approach it. You can do a traditional Balasana, where your spine curves and your arms come down to your sides. Or, my preferred version, Extended Child’s Pose, where you bring your toes to touch, knees wide as is comfortable, and you sink your hips back, walking your arms forward through your fingertips. You can make this a passive pose by letting your forearms rest on the ground, or an active stretch by reaching your arms out as far as you can until you feel a comfortable elongation in your shoulder blades and upper back. It’s really up to you. Whichever version you choose, I highly recommend that, as with last month’s pose, Legs Up The Wall, you use this pose as a means of support when you need it most, whether that’s in transition between your work and home life, if you’re having a stressful day and need a reset, or as you’re getting ready for bed as a way to signal to your body that it’s time for rest. All you need is 3-5 minutes, but if you can’t get that, take one. Your nervous system will respond to what you give it for nourishment, even if it’s mere moments throughout the day.
Here are some more benefits of this pose to help you connect with the “why” if you need a reason to give it a try this month when the overwhelm sets in. (Bonus points if you use it in combination with Legs Up The Wall for a real nervous system reset):
Relaxes the Body: Child's Pose helps in releasing tension in the back, shoulders, and neck, which is useful for decompressing after a busy day.
Improves Flexibility: It stretches the hips, thighs, and ankles, helping to keep your body supple and ready for other tasks.
Promotes Mindfulness: The pose allows you to focus on your breathing, helping you become aware of the present moment.
Reduces Stress: The pose is known to calm the mind, thereby reducing stress and anxiety.
Encourages Surrender: The act of folding forward is symbolic of letting go and surrendering to the universe, aligning well with the theme of accepting limitations.
Boosts Emotional Balance: By providing a safe, grounded feeling, it can help balance overwhelming emotions.
October's Atmosphere: As fall sets in, the pace of life might feel like it's speeding up with holidays and year-end tasks. Child's Pose is an excellent counterbalance.
Low Impact: This pose is suitable for people of all fitness levels, offering a moment of pause in a hectic routine.
Energy Channeling: By temporarily shutting out external stimuli, it allows you to channel your energy and focus on what truly matters.
October Workshop Offering:
Healing Through Writing & Yoga for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
When: Thursday, October 26th from 7-9 pm
Where: RENNI Wellness Center, 313 Markham St, Toronto
Cost: $46; register here to reserve your spot www.allisonmcdonaldace.com/workshops
What To Bring: A notebook, a pen, and an open heart
What It’s About: October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. In light of this, I am presenting a special workshop at Renni Wellness Center that is designed to support those going through fertility issues across the spectrum of trying to conceive, the grief of pregnancy and infant loss, and anything in between. I am particularly positioned to hold space in this setting I have gone through pregnancy loss and secondary infertility myself, and it was through those experiences that I became an advocate for healing and speaking openly about these life experiences. This workshop will begin with a gentle yin practice to come into the body in a supportive, loving way, followed by a guided meditation and a guided writing experience in group that will allow participants to access what emotions need to be felt, and what experiences need to be released, in order for them to move forward with greater inner peace on their journey through fertility issues.
Final Thoughts
This month, as I’ve been trying to find ways to balance, organize, and stretch time to fit in all the things, I’ve found myself turning again and again to the Power of 3.
The significance of the number 3 spans across all religions and all traditions, from Christian, Buddhist, Hindu religions and beyond, to more ancient and forgotten traditions. The planet is comprised of 3 elements: earth, water, and sky. Our days have 3 phases, morning, afternoon, and evening. The life of a woman can be viewed through 3 phases, that of the Maiden, Mother, and Crone, or to put it another way, Act 1, Act 2, and Act 3. Even now in popular culture the concept of mind, body, and spirit is at the core of how we are taught to approach health and healing in a more holistic way, not ignoring any one part.
As life has become as full as it has this month, I’ve been challenged to figure out how to fit in the practical aspects of life, to know how much of what: Food, water, exercise, self care time, work time, family time—the list goes on. Because I could easily just work non stop, without breaks or self care, but the truth is if I did that, not only would I suffer for it but I know that those around me would not be receiving my best self, which is a huge part of what I believe my purpose in this life is—to just exist as someone who shows up for others, holds space, and ensures that they are met with love and care to the best of my ability. So the intuition that has continued to come back to me is to just work with the Power of 3, and that if I do that, it will be enough. It has to be.
This is what that looks like for me, and I offer it up to you in case it might be helpful in finding a way to navigate or decide how much of what, how to organize it, and a way to feel that you’ve done “enough” without taking on too much.
I break up my day into 3 phases:
Self care | Work care | Family & House Care
I choose 3 tasks a day per category that are realistic to achieve so that at the end of the day I can feel at ease that I’ve done as much as I can do in one day without taking on more than I can achieve in a day.
I plan for 3 days of strength training a week to ensure I’m maintaining muscle mass and releasing excess energy, which serves me in being more relaxed.
I slot in 30 minutes of walking a day, even if that’s at night after I put my kids to bed, in order to help me get into nature and decompress.
I eat 3 meals a day as a non-negotiable rule, which is a way to make sure that I am factoring in 3 breaks throughout my work day and don’t skip meals in favour of just ploughing through work or the endless to-do list of home and parenting tasks.
I name 3 things I’m grateful for at the start of end of each day. It’s a helpful reminder that despite how hard it might seem, there is always some ease or lightness to be found.
I hope that in sharing what I’ve been working through this month, at the very least, you feel less alone in your own personal challenges. And at the very most, I hope that these practices I’m offering can help you to carve out space for yourself this month—to breathe, to go inward, to find some calm in your body, if for no other reason so that you have the energy to keep going without burning out. But even more than that, for the reason that they can be a powerful way to help you shift your energy out of linear time and into infinite time, even for brief moments a day.
The deep truth is that we were never meant to be this busy. There is no reward at the end of life for having been busy, or productive. No one will care what your job title was, or how much money you made (although those things are great and not to be disregarded—they just aren’t the sum of a life). More than that, people will remember how you showed up for them, and in turn how you let them show up for you. How you made them feel, and how you didn’t let the race of time get in the way of what truly matters, or at least you tried not to. That’s not to say that our work and daily life tasks don’t matter. They do. Our jobs provide income for ourselves and our families, and can offer a great sense of meaning and purpose to our days. Life’s little tasks and responsibilities are the foundation of being human, and they can create structure and a sense of doing things for ourselves and others. But balance in all things is the key, and overly focusing on putting time into work or to-do lists will not yield the same quality of life that I believe most of us truly desire—one that has room for both kinds of time. One that allows for the surrender to what is, and what can only be, rather than trying to force more into what is only meant to hold so much.
I am not perfect at this practice—far from it. I don’t know if perfect exists in anything, really, except for nature. And we are nature, so I guess we are perfect just by our existence. But chasing perfection in our habits and what we do or how we do it is a fool’s errand. I know that for sure. So for now, this time thing, and this surrender thing, are a practice for me just as anyone else. I’ll let you know how it goes;)
Until next time…
All good things your way,
Allison