Subrosa for May: The Discipline of Peace

“The universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you already are..”

- Rumi

Hello friends,

Recently, I’ve been spending my time celebrating the 40th birthday of my husband, as well as some friends who are just starting to hit this strange but wonderful milestone of sort-of midlife. This, amidst the other stuff on my plate, such as the outdoor home renovations I undertook to create my own personal outdoor sanctuary right in the middle of the city (which has been an endeavour of gargantuan proportions), the usual things of work and life and kids and family, as well as nearing the end of my journey to complete my Integrative Nutrition Health Coaching Program, has been a time that I’ve navigated with as much grace and patience as possible. And yet now that I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I’m kind of like, Can we hurry up and get to the end of the tunnel now, please?

But the journey is the reward. We know this. And I have come to know this to be true beyond the triteness of the platitude because—as with everything else in my life—I’ve had to learn it through direct, embodied experience.

As I have the benefit of being all of two years older than my newly minted 40-year old husband and his cohort, I’ve had the benefit of a little bit more time on this journey to have acquired a smidgen of wisdom about what it means to be in your 40s, or rather, what your 40s are all about, which is a question that came up more than a few times leading up to this birthday in conversation with friends.

Of course, the answer is not and cannot be the same for everyone.

For some people (mostly the men) they said your 40s is about making money. For others, it was a time to be with their kids more while they’re still young and can be part of this formative time in their lives. For others, it was about letting go of old shit (energetically speaking) that just didn’t serve them anymore; about drawing a line in the sand between the past and the present, and moving forward with greater clarity and ease.

As I’ve reflected on this, I realized that for me, my 40s is and has been about peace. Cultivating peace, inviting in peace, prioritizing peace. Being peace. Which, I think, is ultimately what all of those other things our friends mentioned are about. Having greater financial ease brings peace. Having a strong bond with your children brings peace. Putting the past to bed brings peace.

What I’ve learned about peace, though, especially in the last 6 months, is that it’s not some namby-pamby, woo-woo thing that just happens to you. Peace, paradoxically, is actually something that requires great discipline. It requires devotion, and discernment, and delighting in all things great and small. And to do all that, you need discipline.

Think about how much easier it is to descend into chaos, or anxiety, or old patterns that are not inherently good for you or anyone else. It’s sooooooo easy to just do the things you’ve always done because they’re second nature and don’t require effort to change. There’s a reason why one of the more common sayings in the new-agey parlance of today is to “protect your peace”. Because maintaining your personal peace, and the peace of others, requires defensive action. Peace, is actually, not passive. Which is why it’s so elusive.

I’ve had the singular word “Peace” written on the white board in my kitchen, surrounded by drawings from my kids and other items held up with thumb tacks since January so that I see it every time I go down to the basement to do laundry (which is 875 times a day) and every time I come back up, it acts as a reminder for the intention that I set for myself this year. But it was only recently that I understood that peace was something that, if I really, truly wanted it, I had to actively work for it and dedicate myself to it, in the same way that one works towards anything of value; something that can only be created and maintained within.

Peace looks and feels different to every person, I think, based on their life story and their needs. For me, peace used to mean that everyone and everything around me had to be calm and peaceful and easy. This had to happen because I’m so incredibly sensitive to the environment and energy around me, especially in my home, that I just couldn’t settle my own self and nervous system if anything around me was disrupted. But I realized recently that, while this was true when I was a child and was vulnerable to those in positions of authority around me, continuing to live like this as an adult was actually putting my peace, or lack thereof, in the hands of everyone and everything around me.

It sounds obvious, but again, when you’re used to operating in a certain way and with a certain mindset, especially from childhood, then even though it’s not actually getting you the result you want, it’s easier to stay in that.

To many of my friends and family who know me well, I’m regarded as being a disciplined person. I meditate every day, I exercise and eat well, I walk outside every day no matter what the weather is. If I have a work deadline, I meet it. If I have a list of to-do’s to get through, I do them. If I make a promise, I keep it. Discipline is not hard for me, because I don’t regard it as a harsh or punitive thing. It’s actually one of the ways I show up for myself and my body with deep love, care, and reverence. The modern understanding of the word is misunderstood to be about control and asceticism. But, in fact, the root of the latin word “Disciplīna" is related to the word "discipulus," meaning "pupil" or "learner," highlighting the idea of being taught or guided.”

So, with the spirit of my disciplined nature, that is, my nature which loves to learn and be guided through practice and ritual, I understood that what I needed to do was apply this era of my 40s to becoming a disciple—a disciplinarian, if you will—of peace.

I know that I cannot and am not the first person to stumble on this paradox, this truth. It’s the entire reason that there are orders of monks and nuns and communities of people who come together under a set of rules to live a life outside of the chaos of the world.

And yet, I think that there’s a way to do it that doesn’t require a renunciation of regular life, of all its ups and downs and unpleasantness; that doesn’t require shutting out the world and hiding in a cave or a monastery. It simply requires a commitment to the path and the recognition that in every moment your own peace is up to you. Therein lies the practice—and it is a practice—because it’s not something you can become perfect at, or reach the pinnacle of. It is and always will be the dance of falling off the path and coming back to it, again and again and again.

Here are some ideas and ways that I’ve found helpful, recently, in my practice of peace:

Surrender
Surrender is such a powerful thing to do, whether it’s surrendering to the fact that you don’t know what to do, or surrendering to the fact that at the moment things are just awful. When you do that, there’s an instant ease in the belly and in the heart, because you stop needing life to be better or clearer than it is. And you also release it to the hands of something beyond you.

One Day At A Time
For me, particularly, this is where I can get so tripped up. If I start thinking too much about how long something has been hard, or for how much longer it will be hard, I get really frustrated and even angry, because patience is not my strongest quality. When that feeling has come up recently, pulling it all back down to just doing the best right thing that I feel that I can honestly and authentically do that day—whether that’s promising myself to speak with a kind voice no matter what happens, or resting when I feel too tired and not pushing through—it alleviates the agony of the thought “But what if this goes on forever?”

Choice
Remembering that at every single moment, how I speak, how I act, how I don’t act, and how I show up in the world is my choice. And one way will make me feel more at ease, and one way will not. That doesn’t mean I will always have the inner fortitude to choose the peaceful path. It also doesn’t mean that the peaceful path is always the quiet path. Sometimes you need to be loud to create and advocate for your peace. But knowing that it is, ultimately, my choice, is empowering in a way that has less to do with controlling what happens (or doesn’t) and more to do with liberation. If it’s up to me how I feel, then I’m not at the mercy of other people and their own disruptions.

As I continue on this journey, I think that ultimately my purpose is to help others find their own way to peace, in whatever ways that has meaning to them, as a guide and a holder of space. What do you call someone who does that? I have no idea. But I know that, as with everything else, the answer will find its way to me from somewhere inside.

And so whatever you might be puzzling over in your own life right now, I hope this little missive acts as a reminder that the same holds true for you.

Until next time, be so very well.
Allison

Subrosa for Spring Equinox: 3 Rituals For Renewal

“The beginning is the most important part of the work.”

- Plato

Hello friends,

Happy Spring Equinox! This is a time for renewal, rebirth, and releasing what no longer serves so that what is waiting to come in to your life has the space to do so.

Truth be told, I don’t love spring. There are so many poems written about it, mostly from people who live in places where they actually have a proper spring with blossoming flowers and birds singing, but here in Toronto I find mostly that this season is still cold, but brings the added touch of rain and mud, which I have to clean almost daily out of my kids shoes when they come home from school. But! I of course love the return to more sun, slightly warmer temperatures, and the promise of what’s around the corner—which comes when we go abruptly from a few weeks of spring into blistering hot summer:). The thing that I do like best about the energy at this time of year though is that sense of releasing the heaviness of the winter and cleaning up all that accumulated in the darker, quieter months in order to make way—literally and figuratively—for what’s ahead.

Aside from my dislike of all the mud, I do honour the fact that this is a really sacred time of the year and offers the opportunity for each of us to change up the energy in our bodies, in our homes, and in our minds. Here are what I personally find to be the 3 most essential and supportive rituals for renewal around the the Spring Equinox that, if you’re feeling a little sluggish or stagnant still as you come out of hibernation, I highly recommend you try.

1) Clean Your Home
And I mean, really clean it. This might seem like an overwhelming, daunting job, especially if you’ve had a lot going on and have left the cleaning to the bottom of your to-do list. I get it! But, cleaning your house is about more than just dusting and mopping for the sake of knocking an item off your list. Every corner of your home, every surface, and every space holds an energy. It’s the very reason why you can walk into a room or someone else’s home and feel light or calm or happy, or, on the flip side, you can enter a space that feels dark or heavy or just off. You might not be able to see with your physical eyes why that is, but what you’re sensing in your body is the energetic signature that space is holding.

When we clean our homes in a deeper way at Spring Equinox (or we delegate someone to help us do this) it’s an opportunity to clear up any stagnant energy by purifying the air and the surfaces, and it’s also an act of self-care. The home is where you spend so much of your time—eating, sleeping, playing, relaxing. And so taking the time (even if it’s over the course of a few weeks) to clean, to get rid of toys or clothes or items that no longer have a use and are just adding to the mental and physical clutter, is a signal to your own mind-body-spirit complex that you value your outer peace as well as your inner peace. If the idea of cleaning your entire home seems daunting, pick one room, such as your bedroom, and start there. You will notice almost immediately how great it feels and how you sleep more deeply that it will feel worth investing your time and energy into the rest of your home. My Granny used to say “Just pick a corner and start there.” (She also used to say “Dust is the enemy!!”)

2) Eat Seasonally
This transition time is an opportunity to practice eating seasonally. You may have already noticed that as the light has changed, and the temperatures have dabbled in the above zero arena, you’re craving lighter foods, more vegetables that naturally grow around this time of year like asparagus and radishes, or that you’re just ready to change it up. Just as this is a natural time of year to clean up your home, it’s also a natural time of year to lean into foods that naturally help our bodies to purify and shed any built up energy by virtue of their biochemical profiles. Here are the top 5 foods I’m incorporating right now that are helping me to lean into that sense of vitality and alignment that comes with eating seasonally:

Lemons: Support liver enzymes and bile production. I squeeze a lemon in my water bottle every day and add a pinch of pink Himalayan sea salt, which is essentially a homemade electrolyte drink so that the hydration goes deeper into the cells.

Asparagus: High in antioxidants and folate to support cell repair.

Microgreens: Extremely nutrient-dense (up to 40x more nutrients than mature plants!) They’re also high in chlorophyll, which helps cleanse the blood and detoxify heavy metals.

Beets: Contain betaine, which supports liver detoxification.

Radishes: Are natural diuretics, helping reduce water retention and gently detox the kidneys.

If you wanted to put all of these together in a salad and throw together a dressing of lemon and olive oil, and maybe top it with some goat cheese, this would be the perfect health-supporting addition to your daily eating rituals.

For a full list of seasonal foods for the spring, check out this list!

3) Do Something New
Early spring is a really unique time because we are not fully out of the dark of winter, and not fully into the light of summer. In fact, Spring Equinox marks that halfway point—the perfect balance—between the dark and the light. If you think about how it is when the tiniest buds on the trees start to emerge and you have to be careful not to disturb them or they won’t thrive, it is the same with us humans during this time of the year. Likely, you’ve gone through something of a dark time over the last few months. It’s been chaotic in the world on so many levels, and so I think in some ways most of us have been grappling with how to navigate that.

For me personally, after the really intense period I went through in December as I experienced a dark night of the soul, I’ve been working through a ton of healing. Really old wounds, generational issues, and just stuff that had not fully been dealt with came back up for me to explore and heal now that I’m in a stronger, more grounded place to do so than when I was younger. So as we emerge, individually and collectively from the darkness, it’s a time to be gentle, to be protective, and to be careful of the parts of you that are ready to be reborn and renewed but still in their budding stage. And at the same time, it’s time to Shake It Up. The heaviness and the stagnation, old patterns, old dynamics, and old relationships that no longer serve you are all calling to be put into question during this time and to really come to clarity about the fact that there are ways of being and ways of relating that perhaps worked for a really, REALLY, long time, and now, they just don’t. And that’s okay. Let them fall away. Grieve them if you must. But hanging onto the old only prevents us from being able to allow what’s new—the healthy little buds of promise and potential—to poke through and thrive.

Maybe it’s time to switch up the way you move your body, or to start moving your body, in a way that feels nourishing and joyful, saying a big, huge FUCK IT to doing things just because someone told you that was the best way or the right way. If walking is your thing, stop forcing yourself to run. If you like yoga and hate lifting weights, switch to yoga. Or vice versa.

Maybe it’s time to try meditation! Finally! Whether guided, silent, or through journal writing, this is a game changing shift.

It could be that the something new that’s calling for your attention to change up is internal. Perhaps it’s a perspective or a mindset that has you stuck in a loop that only brings you pain. Or, perhaps it’s a style of communicating or relating to loved ones that you realize is leaving one or both of you feeling misunderstood or not loved. It could also be that there are relationship dynamics in your life that you’re ready to finally address in a more honest, meaningful way in order to stop pretending or accepting the status quo. These kinds of conversations can be so hard and so painful. But, it can also be liberating and offer the potential for growth and deeper connection on the other side of those challenging and, let’s be honest, terrifying conversations.

I’ve found the podcast The SelfHealers Soundboard by Dr. Nicole LePera, “The Holistic Psychologist” to be incredibly helpful in this area.

Whatever is calling to you to look at more closely, now is the time to (gently, with love and grace) shake it up and do what no longer serves. Think of your future self when you’re getting honest about this, and ask her or him what they would hope that the “you” of today would do so that the future self can be more at peace, more fulfilled, and more joyful.

You are more than worth it.

I hope that this has planted a little seed (see what I did there!) of inspiration or curiosity for you about how you can harness the energy of this time of year to support your alignment, your health, and your sense of peace.

If this kind of content where I discuss practices for health from a holistic perspective that includes more than just movement and meditation but also food and lifestyle practices is of interest to you, I would love to hear feedback!

Until next time, be so very well.
Allison

Subrosa for February: An Invitation For Inner & Outer Health

“The healing of ourselves as healers has to take place first. Bringing ourselves to wholeness, we become more sensitive to other people. In the change of consciousness that happens within us, we bring about change of consciousness in those around us and in the planet itself.”

- Marion Woodman

Hello friends,

I hope this finds you cozy inside. Maybe there’s some music playing, maybe someone is cooking (maybe it’s you and you’re embracing the simple joy that can be) or maybe you’re laying on the couch and ordering in and taking the night completely off.

Currently, I’m sitting at my kitchen table as my children play downstairs (inexplicably with their shirts off) wrestling and also playing a ukulele, yelling things at each other in gibberish, while my husband is concocting a seafood pasta and Diana Krall is playing in the background. He is doing this for me as an act of love, as I’m coming off of a very intense week of work and life and family dynamics, and as an act of love back to him, I’m receiving it:)

Wherever and however this finds you, I hope that love has also been a part of your day. In these times where the energy of the world at large and individually is being shaken up on the deepest levels and being reorganized so that we can come out the other side of it all with what I hope will be greater peace, greater light, and greater health as a collective, for now we need all the love internally and externally that we can get to carry us through.

This week I had the great privilege to teach the first in a 3-week Self-Care Yin Yoga series at my friend’s home with an intimate group of diverse, and incredible women. This first session was about the heart, about cultivating love from that very sacred space within, so that we can then carry it out into the world. The class was a great reminder to me that when you do work that you truly love, it does not feel like work. So much so that I felt so grateful to be given the honour and trust of the women that I was leading through the practice, that it almost felt wrong to be receiving money from them for my time (but then I reminded myself that this is an old pattern I need to release, and that money is just an exchange of energy…so, more healing to be done in that area!!!)

Which brings me to my invitation in this short(er) and sweet love note to you for this month as February comes to a close and we inch closer and closer to spring:

As many of you know, I’m currently training to become a Certified Holistic Health Coach through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I’m deeply passionate about helping people feel their best—body, mind, and soul. I see this part of my education as a continuation of the work that I’ve been doing over the last decade to help support and guide people inward to become the masters of their own healing and growth. This journey of mine as a guide and coach really began 10 years ago with my training in therapeutic writing, which then went on to include movement and breathwork through my yoga and meditation certifications (including some work with channeling and oracle decks because those are my personal favourite woo-woo tools to work with) and now, it is all culminating in this health coach training. My intention once I come out of this learning and healing period for myself is to offer a complete service for healing that reflects all the modalities I wholeheartedly believe in and have been practicing myself for over 25 years.

As part of my IIN training, I’m now able to offer free introductory health coaching sessions to those who are looking for support in their wellness journey. This is a chance to reflect on where you are with your health from a holistic perspective, looking at all areas of your life, and then together determining where you want to be, and how small, sustainable changes can make a big impact.

Today I would like to invite you on this leg of my journey with me. If working with me speaks to you in any way—not out of a sense of obligation (although you would be doing me a great favour in supporting my learning and training if that speaks to you) but rather out of a sense of curiosity and genuine interest—I would like to invite you to complete a Health History Form. I am required to work with at least 6 prospective clients for my graduation requirement, and this is the first step. It’s a simple, judgment-free way for me to understand your unique goals and challenges so I can offer personalized guidance and support. There’s no commitment required—just a heartfelt opportunity for connection and insight. After completing the form, we would have a follow up conversation that is also free, where we can chat and explore what you detailed in the form, and then from there determine if you would like to work with me once I’m ready to take on clients. I would be honoured to hold space for you if this feels like it might be right for you. If you’re interested in taking the first step in completing a Health History, or if you have any questions, please email me about any and all at allison.mcdonald.ace@gmail.com and we can go from there!

Either way, I just want to say truly and deeply that I’m so grateful for the community I have here that has supported me and shown interest in learning about my journey, my own self-healing, and the work I am evolving into to put out into the world through my monthly musings. I know that it may seem one-sided, because I’m the one doing all the “talking”, but I feel the energy of receiving my words on the other end of this exchange, and—just like my husband doing the cooking for me, and me receiving it—I see this as an exchange of great love. So thank you.

Until next time, be so very well.
Allison

Subrosa for January: Connection & Primary Food

“Find your tribe and love them hard.”

- Danielle LaPorte

Hello friends,

I hope what has felt like the 875 days of January so far have been treating you as well as can be. For my part, I’ve officially embarked on my journey towards becoming a Health & Wellness Coach with the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, and my inner school nerd has been thrilled to have something to focus on in amidst the chaos and noise of the outside world, as well as the chaos and noise of my internal world (thanks, perimenopause!)

One of the most interesting parts of my new education so far has been the framework of this program. You might think from the title that I am going to school to become some form of nutritionist, but it’s misleading. In fact, food and eating is secondary to all other aspects of the program where the emphasis is on what they refer to as “Primary Food” using the below graphic as a tool for coaches and their clients to identify the primary areas of life where they feel nourished, and areas where they feel less so. The way it works is that you place a dot in each section to indicate your level of satisfaction in that area. A dot toward the periphery indicates satisfaction, and a dot closer to the center indicates dissatisfaction. From there, you can connect the dots and visualize your current areas of focus and then determine where to spend more time and energy to cultivate balance

The Primary Food Method: Using The Circle of Life (IIN) As A Tool

Doing this exercise for myself was eye opening, and that’s why I’m sharing it with you here today, as it might give you some insight into the areas of your life where you might want to focus more (or less). Given that January is a month where our culture is almost entirely focused on the actual food on our plates—whether the restricting of, or the removing of—I thought it might be a refreshing perspective to look at life, and what you consume off the plate for nourishment, as being so much more important to your overall health, vitality, and happiness.

For my part, what I realized is that while I’m doing very well in the areas of spirituality, health, physical activity, and home cooking, some of the other areas felt less than where I would want them to be, particularly in the area of connection with relationships and social life. And the realization left me feeling at first sad, and if I’m honest, a little bit lonely, but then it gave me a sense of motivation to balance out my wheel in the coming months and years ahead. I have no interest in getting to the golden years of my life and being able to say that while my nutrition was on point and I was really good at getting in my meditation and steps every day, I was missing something fundamentally more valuable.

I also realized I have to give grace to the fact that this is the season of life for myself and my peers, and also the way our world works. So it’s a bit of a case of “it is what it is-ness”, while also being open to making changes.

I’m very lucky in that I have a loving home. Every day, when my husband and kids and I are back together after work and school and activities are said and done, we have a safe space and a deep sense of connection being all together. I make dinner, we watch Survivor and talk about what we would do if we were on that beach (I definitely could not tolerate the sand and cold rain and the bugs, not to mention all of the personalities!) and then we all go to bed in relative peace.

But what became clear to me in doing this Circle of Life exercise, is that the connection I am missing is that which lies beyond the four walls of my cozy home. I’m missing a deeper sense of tribe, of community and support. Of seeing people.

One of the doctors lecturing in my program shared this story, which I think sums up the importance of tribe with such an impactful, real life example. This is the gist:

In the 1960s, researchers investigated why residents of Roseto, an Italian-American town, had significantly lower rates of heart disease compared to neighbouring towns, despite poor diets, hard lifestyles, and environmental factors.

They found that the secret wasn’t diet or exercise but social cohesion and strong community ties. Roseto residents had a tightly knit culture centred around family, shared meals, mutual support, and a sense of belonging. This protective social environment buffered them from stress, which researchers believed contributed to their exceptional heart health.

The phenomenon, sometimes called the "Roseto Effect," highlights the powerful impact of social connections on physical and mental health.

That is not to say that I’m not blessed in the connection of friendships and relationships I have. I’m grateful to have continued friendships with my best friends since childhood. It’s a rare and beautiful thing to have that 30 years and counting. I have caring parents, and I have supportive, present in-laws. I have made great friendships in my community and through my kids sports with women and men who I value deeply. At my place of work, I’ve made connections with people I otherwise would not have met who have opened my heart up even more as I’ve walked with them through their professional and personal challenges.

And yet, as someone who works from home, I spend most of my days alone—alone in my thoughts, and alone in my house. My youngest son is now in aftercare at school, so I don’t have that little bit of social time every day that I used to get when I would pick him up and watch all the kids in the playground, which I realize now in retrospect is what saved me through the years of the pandemic by providing a sense of daily camaraderie (and incidentally is the way in which I formed many of the great friendships in my neighbourhood).

When my kids were home sick last week, it was just me and my husband managing the vacillation between fevers and barfing. And that’s when it really hit me, this lack of tribe, in the sense of a physical presence. It’s how, as humans, we were really designed to exist: with people around us, in the flesh, showing up—and not just in the phone.

But that is not how life is structured anymore, in many ways due to the simple fact of urban sprawl. Whereas if we all lived in close proximity to each other, my mother might have come by to check on us and to lend a helping hand, and my best friend might have dropped off some soup (or maybe some wine, ‘cause being home with 2 sick kids and 1 sick husband all week is not in alignment with Dry January). But the truth is, these closest people in my life live a 45 minute drive away, and beyond that, everyone else is also just trying to get through their own days, with their own shit, and that kind of daily physical presence isn’t a possibility or a reality.

On this topic, Dr. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. Surgeon General, has called loneliness a public health crisis and has even written a book about this called "Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World".

I know I am one of the lucky ones. Most of us are. We have friends and neighbours and families who call us, text us, visit us when they can, and we know they would be there if we really need them. But I think that, for me, I’ve realized that as we move further and further into this digital age, and despite my innate nature as an introvert who recharges best in solitude, I’m missing that fundamental, basic part of life where we can actually regularly and easily spend time in person with the people we love, without having to plan around it several weeks in advance (only to get cancelled when the inevitable sickness of one or the other puts the kibosh on those plans).

Is it possible to be lonely, even though I know that I’m cared about and supported by more people than any one person has a right to expect? It seems counterintuitive, but I think the answer is yes. Maybe it’s just the winter, maybe it’s perimenopause, or maybe it’s an opportunity for me to explore how to build more regular, face-to-face and heart-to-heart connection despite the challenges of living in a fast-paced world. Maybe it’s all three.

As I continue on this journey of becoming a Health & Wellness Coach over the next 6 months, I see now that (as has been the pattern of my personal evolution for as long as I can remember) I will have to explore, heal, and grow in each of these areas of “primary food” even more deeply within myself so that I can establish a solid foundation for myself as a guide in helping individuals reach better health and happiness. All so that, one day, I’ll be able to speak from an authentic place of lived experience, and the empathy that comes with that, by being able to say “I know what you’re going through. Let me show you the way to the other side of it.”

At least, that’s my plan.

Until next time, be so very well.
Allison

Subrosa for December: The Gift Of The Dark Night

I can do nothing for you but work on myself…you can do nothing for me but work on yourself.

- Ram Dass

Hello friends,

I don’t even know where to begin this month’s newsletter. Someone once said the place to begin is the beginning, so I guess I’ll start there.

But before I do, I want to let you know that for 3 weeks in January to help you start 2025 off with fresh energy, I will be holding a Sacred Self-Care Workshop Series. This will coincide with me starting my training as an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, which I will be able to apply to my workshops as I am going through the program with The Instititute Of Integrative Nutrition.

My goal with this training, and this workshop series, is to deepen my ability to support people in their healing journey, which begins with self-care. I have come to regard my role in the world during this next chapter of my life as a self-care coach, advocating and guiding women specifically in their mid 30s and beyond back to a place of balance and inner peace, which begins first by identifying how and where we are out of balance in our lives, looking at all areas—our relationship with self, interpersonal relationships, nutrition, exercise, vocation, creative expression, inner dialogue, and finances. Which is exactly what we will be doing in this 3 week workshop! Using a combination of meditation, expressive writing, and yoga to help you identify where your energy and focus is out of balance, you will then be guided through self exploration in an intimate group setting to support you coming back to balance and inner peace. If you’ve been feeling lost, or stuck, or some combination thereof, this is for you.

The work of healing yourself is not only vital to living your life in a way that feels fulfilling and peaceful for yourself, but it also affects everyone around you. This is the reason I put the quote from Ram Dass up top, which I have come back to many times in my life when I’ve found myself focusing on wishing others would just do this or that so that I could feel better. It’s a reminder that the only thing we can do for us to feel better is to heal and help ourselves. Self-care, or self-healing, is deep and sacred work because it ripples out well beyond ourselves. But it does, indeed, begin with ourselves.

Here are the nitty gritty details:

SACRED SELF-CARE WORKSHOP SERIES

When: Sunday January 12, 19, 26 from 1-3pm
Where: 7 Martin Crescent, Toronto, ON, M4S 2V3
Cost is $33 per session. For those who wish to attend but cannot make it in person, a Zoom recording will be sent so you can follow along in your own time (but I encourage you to come in person!)
Email allison.mcdonald.ace@gmail.com to reserve your spot. Space is limited to 6.

I am really looking forward to this one!

The Dark Night Of The Soul, or Perimenopause, or BOTH?!

Since last I wrote, I have been going THROUGH it. That’s the short version.

For the longer version, pour yourself a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, and settle in. It’s been a doozie for me, and I share this, as always, in case there is something in my recent life experience that can be helpful to you in any way as you go through yours.

I’m not sure when exactly it started, but over the last few months I started noticing that I was just off. Really off. I described it recently as feeling like I was an alien in another person’s body, wearing another person’s clothes, thinking another person’s thoughts. I was increasingly tired all of the time, and had developed anxiety and intrusive thoughts, which is not something I’ve ever had before in my life. It felt like my body wasn’t working as it used to, like it wasn’t firing on all cylinders. I found that on many days I was dreading waking up and getting out of bed. A few weeks ago the thought crossed my mind that if I had to to wake up and do one more chore, that I felt like I was going to die.

Every day, I threw every self-care tool in my tool kit at what felt like an increasingly dire inner situation. Meditation, expressive writing, channeling, rest, walks, yoga, talking to friends, finding ways to laugh, taking breaks, mindfully going about my to-do list so that I could find joy and gratitude in the little things once again, but nothing, and I mean, nothing, was working.

I couldn’t even come and write here, in this space, for the last several weeks, even though I so badly wanted to because it is such an offering of love for me when I do. But I simply couldn’t. Not just because I didn’t have the energy, but because I couldn’t get clear or settled enough to even bring myself to the table with my computer. I felt beyond fraudulent that I am this person who is here constantly advocating for taking care, taking a pause, and prioritizing the inner self, and I quite literally felt like I was falling apart in a way that seemed to hit me overnight and out of nowhere.

For awhile I just chalked it up to perimenopause. I’m 41, and as the popular rhetoric on social media and beyond is now telling us women, we’re basically fucked from the ages of 40 to our last period as our bodies and our brains completely reorganize ourselves into what will, on the other side of this transition, be a wonderful, fulfilling, and expansive time. We just need to go through the underworld to get there. I was feeling so shitty and so off, that I figured that must be it.

But then, it got worse. I truly couldn’t get through a day without feeling a sense of complete despair. When I did my channeling and meditation practice in the mornings, it was like everything had gone dark. I couldn’t hear the inner guidance and intuition in the way that it usually came through for me. It felt like where once I had had a lifeline to something wiser, greater, and deeper than my every day human self, all of a sudden I was adrift in the great alone.

Most of the time I felt like crying, like no one saw me, no one was there to help me or support me, and that my entire existence had been relegated to a groundhog day of endless chores and doing things for other people while I was left home alone every day to get through it all as best as I could, while not dropping any of the spinning plates and not blowing up my entire life.

I decided that this crisis was not perimenopause, or #momlife, but was clearly The Dark Night Of The Soul. This concept may or may not be familiar to you, but basically, it’s an experience that was first described many centuries ago by a Carmelite monk, John Of The Cross. It’s characterized by, among other things, the following:

• Withdrawal: A feeling of being cut off from a higher presence 

• Confusion and helplessness: A sense of being lost and unable to help oneself 

• Unselfing: A period of letting go of oneself 

• Emotional distress: Extreme sadness, uncontrollable crying, or a feeling of emptiness 

• Loss of motivation: A lack of interest in activities that were once enjoyable

I felt a sense of relief once I identified what I thought was, finally, an explanation for how I’d been feeling. At least I had something to hang on to.

Asking for help is hard for me, as it is for many people, and many women especially. But I was in such inner hell that I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I reached out to my mom and to my husband. I told them everything I had been going through, how I felt so alone and so unsupported, how I felt truly unseen, like no one cared about my life. And once I reached out and let out everything I had been holding in, it was like a line of connection opened up and I heard my inner voice saying:

“Maybe it’s because your iron is low.”

Huh.

That’s not what I was expecting. I was expecting that I would be flooded with all of the answers to all the questions that had been confounding me…What am I doing here? Why does it feel like I’m missing the boat? Am I on the right path?

Instead, it was “Check your iron levels.”

I’ve historically had extremely low ferritin levels since I began menstruating. I’ve been put on iron supplement therapy so many times from so many doctors, but my levels have never gotten above 20. Since having children, they hover between 7 and 12. And although these numbers are extremely low and indicate iron deficiency anemia, the way our health system works is that I’m given another prescription for iron supplementation and sent on my way. Women feeling tired, anxious, and generally shitty has been accepted as the norm (especially in the perimenopause years) for so long that most mainstream doctors don’t even blink an eye when a woman describes the experience I’ve just outlined.

But this is where self-care, self-advocacy, and leaning into your support system come into play.

I remembered my friend telling me that eventually due to her equally low ferritin levels she was sent for iron infusion therapy. After, her numbers jumped up to 200, and she felt so much better. I met up with another friend who, when I told her how desperately awful I’d been feeling, without my prompting, she told me how she had been feeling the same way about a year prior and thankfully had a wonderful doctor who payed attention and cared and sent her for iron infusion therapy. She described her experience with almost tears in her eyes, saying that 3 days after the infusion she felt like she had been returned—finally—to herself.

I felt like for the first time in weeks I finally—FINALLY—had hope.

When I called my mom and told her that I was either going through a dark night of the soul, or, based on what was being reflected back to me by my peers, that my iron was too low, she concurred with what I suspected was really going on: “I think it might be both.”

And this, I realized then, was the gift of the dark night and the hell I’d been in. Having gone through the last month of darkness, confusion, and despair, I was able to see where my body was in need of healing, and my heart too. I needed people, I needed support, and I needed to fix my damn iron.

The idea in the spiritual tradition of the dark night of the soul is that you go through this deep experience where everything gets shaken up, taken away, or changed, so that when you come out the other side, you see things more clearly. It’s an awakening, or as I like to think of it, a graduation to the next level of your experience in this life, as a soul living a very human experience.

As all of this came together for me in my mind, I remembered a truth about my life that has held for as long as far back as I can recall, which is that for me, in order to be able to talk, guide, write about, or teach in any way, I have to go through it—really go through it—first. It’s that way for most people—they have to learn the lesson first in order to be able to integrate and embody the truth to then bring to others. But knowing that this is the way it works, and actually going through it, are two different things. It’s so hard.

And yet, here I am. I’m okay. I’m more than okay. I’ve made it through the darkest, the hardest, and the loneliest part of it (I think…I hope!)I feel calmer, like even though I have to still get my body healed, I have a direction, I have clarity. I also have an appointment with a haematologist this week, wherein I’m going to insist I’m given a prescription for iron infusion therapy. Let this part of my story be a nudge in the right direction for you to advocate for yourself, if you’ve been pushed off or made to think it’s normal by others to feel like shit (even in perimenopause). It’s not.

And if it’s more than that, and you too have been feeling confused, alone, stressed, struggling to find your footing on your path, I’m here to say that you will get through it, that there is a light on the other side where everything will start to make sense, and until then, lean in to whatever and whoever you can. And if you have no one else, then you have me, here.

You are, most definitely, not alone.

 Until next time, be so very well.
Allison

Subrosa for October: The Art of Being A Woman

Hello friends,

I debated calling this month’s newsletter The (Lost) Art of Being A Woman, but it felt a little bit too incendiary and negative, which is not something any of us needs more of these days. I’m all about bringing the light and the love however and wherever I possibly can.

However, this idea about the art of being a woman in all its forms—a creator, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a leader, and an elder—and how it has been pushed to the background over the last century in favour of being someone who is only valued for their job or the money that they make in the world is something that I can’t stop thinking or talking about, mostly because it keeps coming up in conversation in myriad ways. When that happens, I know that it’s a breadcrumb that I need to be following, and so, here I am with you today.

This topic is something that has been increasing in intensity over the last few years in my world. In almost every conversation I have with my friends and fellow women and mothers around my community and beyond, I continue to hear the same things repeated on a theme—they are overwhelmed, overworked, they have no time for themselves (or they don’t make time for themselves), and even though this makes up almost the entirety of their inner and outer existence, somehow, they feel guilty that they aren’t doing enough, or aren’t doing what they “should” be doing. Inevitably, it seems that each one of them over time develops signs for some kind of illness, whether that is of the autoimmune variety (over 80% of people who deal with autoimmune diseases are women), an temporary injury from literally running around without stopping, or a cold that just takes a really long time to go away thanks to an overtaxed immune system.

It is my personal theory that the feminist movements over the last century (while entirely necessary and I bow down to all of the women who led them and sacrificed so that we have the rights that we have today) also led to a pendulum swing that has obfuscated the very real truth of our existence, which is this: While men and women are, and have always been, entirely equal beings, deserving of the same rights and opportunities and considerations in the world, we are not the same. Women are inherently creative and nurturing beings. We came into existence with the ability to give life, to support life, and to nourish life in a very specific and unique way that is different from men. That is how balance is created on a micro and macro level in the world and in our lives. It’s the very essence of yin and yang, dark and light. One cannot exist in harmony without the other.

For ages, there was an art to being a woman, a feminine art. (And, equally, an art to being a man.) Each energetic signature and role had their own place in the community. In cave dwelling societies, women tended to the food, the home, and the children. They foraged for food, and that food was almost entirely what their community subsisted on because bringing home a fresh kill was not a guarantee. I recently discovered the work of foremost neurologist and author Dr. Lisa Mosconi talking about the so-called “Grandmother Hypothesis”, which explains that women in these tribal societies not only continued to be useful beyond childbearing years and into menopause, but they were vital for tribal survival. They helped care for the older children to alleviate the burden from mothers with young infants, and because they no longer had the physical havoc of declining hormones once menopause set in, they had the mental clarity and vision to be able to consider everyone beyond themselves in order to do what was in the best interests of the whole rather than the one. Basically, it was the women’s specific attributes and skills that carried entire communities and civilizations from one generation into the next.

Today, when I hear my female friends and loved ones talk about how they feel guilty if they aren’t at home enough with their children if they work outside the home, or they feel inadequate because they don’t make as much money as their partners if they stay at home or work part time, I can’t help but wonder where it all got lost. For a very long time, the art of embodying the feminine energy, as in, the art of caring for the home, for the food, caring for others in the community, and creating—whether that was creating life, or a beautiful weave, or a garden of flowers and vegetables—was not only enough, it was highly respected and valued.

We were never supposed to do it all.

I’m not saying that I’m in favour of all of us going back to cave life, or to traditional delineations of men’s work and women’s work. Far from it. The Trad Wife movement isn’t without its issues and toxic messaging (I’m definitely not for going back to a time where women are subservient to their husbands or anyone else). But I think I understand how it came into existence, as a response to this really intense pendulum swing and a collective need to be able to celebrate the art of being a woman. What I feel I’m being led to consider as part of my path this year in what I observe, study, and then offer back to my community here, is this: There is an art to being a woman, or rather, to being aligned with our personal inclinations towards the energy of the feminine. Because being a woman inherently is art. It’s creative, it’s flow, it’s light. It’s trusting intuition, and it’s leading from the heart when the head is trying desperately to take over.

I believe we have more than enough heads trying to take over right now, if you know what I mean. It’s time for the heart.

I found myself in conversation with a fellow mom friend this week that perfectly encapsulated this and I was grateful to be shown such a pure and beautiful example of this idea in motion; how despite being a busy, working mom, it’s possible to find real, tangible ways to connect with our innate feminine energy. I had known prior that this friend worked as a nurse for her day job. But as we got to chatting the other day, I found out that during the pandemic she had built a greenhouse in her backyard and now, in her spare time, she cultivates, tends to, and sells tropical plants at marketplaces around the city. Just because she loves it. This is how she meditates, this is how she connects to her inner self, and this is also how she is showing her little boy how to do the same. Her life, and the way she moves through it, embodies the art of being a woman in the modern age. Yes, she has a job, as most of us either want or need to do. But she has also found a way to weave and incorporate the feminine into her life by connecting with nature and doing something just because she loves, because it’s creative, and because it brings her joy.

If I could create a movement and an invitation for every woman I know and every woman I am am yet to meet, it would be this:

Create your life. Curate your life. Design your life.

Take steps now, today, to start weaving the feminine energy into your world and stop “shoulding” all over yourself to do things just because that’s how you were told they need to be done by someone a long time ago. Find a way to come back to your heart, and get out of your head. Do something, make something, create something from nothing—even if that creation is just a meal— because it brings joy or beauty or peace or love or eases a modicum of suffering into the world. Not because it makes money. Not because it looks good on a CV.

Find little ways and big ways to create a life for yourself that, if not every minute of every day, but most days, or even maybe just some days, has you feeling like you are living how you truly want to be living.

For my part, I vow to do the same.

Here are some resources that I’ve been working with lately that are teaching me and inspiring me to come back more deeply into my heart and my feminine energy, and to make space for the things that I truly love to do as a woman and a mother:

The Warrior Goddess Way by Heather Ash Amara
Martha Beck: Move Toward Joy Today! (We Can Do Hard Things podcast)
Listening to 432 hz frequencies (These are Solfreggio frequencies, the science behind which indicates that certain tones and sounds are supportive to mind and body healing).
The Science of Upgrading Your Health and Relationships From The Power Of Your Heart (Feel Good podcast with Kimberly Snyder)

I would be very grateful to hear any thoughts, feedback, or ideas you have on this subject so that I’m not echoing into a chamber. All is welcome! If you’re so inclined, email me at allison.mcdonald.ace@gmail.com or connect with me on social media.

 Until next time, be so very well.
Allison

Subrosa for September: Honour The Journey

Hello friends,

One year ago today, I felt a calling, to return to my passion, my roots—to write. For me, it has always been to write.

One of my most cherished memories from my childhood is of sitting in my grandparent's’ living room and reading aloud from a story I’d written for my grandfather, my papa. It was something about a chipmunk, if I recall correctly.

He was my biggest fan and my biggest cheerleader. He had pie in the sky visions for what I would and could do with my life, one of them being to become a famous pro golfer, to which end he would have me practice my putting in his hallway (incidentally while he watched golf, so perhaps it was just his way to occupy me while he watched golf). But when I read him that story about the chipmunk, I remember distinctly that lit his eyes up, as if he realized that I might actually do something with this putting of pen to paper one day.

I often wonder what he would think of how I’ve done.

My road with writing, my road with everything, really, has been winding, meandering, and unclear. I think that for some people it’s not that way—they have a vision, they follow it, and although they have bumps in the road, it’s always there as a beacon guiding them from one step to the next. For me, it’s been something that has come and gone, in and out of sight, where at some points it’s been super clear, I’ve gotten a hit of inspiration and a direction and then I’ve followed it doggedly. And then, it seems almost inevitably, that thing that I would follow with such conviction would either fade away or fizzle out and I’d be left again wondering “What am I supposed to be doing?” and “Where the f#%k am I supposed to be going?”

As I sit here today, I’m on an airplane flying home from a last minute family trip to Vancouver where my boys and I joined my husband on a business trip.

Since my teens I’ve wanted to see Vancouver, and yet I never felt compelled to pull the trigger and buy plane ticket. The other places I was interested in—Paris, London, Provence, to name a few—pulled to me more deeply and were also cheaper to fly to. Yet I always felt a sort of guilt that I’d been all over Europe but hadn’t seen this huge part of the country of my birth. So as it always happens, as I sat there taking in many moments throughout our family adventure to Vancouver—the absolutely breathtaking views from the beach as I sat wedged between the city and the mountains, the flick of a humpback whale’s tail and the look on my sons’ face when they saw it dive beneath the surface of the ocean, the hilarity and the terror I felt of hiking Grouse Mountain with a severe fear of heights and a passel of children in tow with our close friends—I realized that I was seeing Vancouver at the exact right time, with the exact right people, and there had never been any need for my younger self to worry that I hadn’t gotten there yet. It was always going to work out in the best way possible and in the least expected way, because that’s life. Or at least, that’s been my life. Sometimes it doesn’t reveal itself until you think it’s too late, but it always makes sense in the end.

And now I’m here on this airplane, surrounded by the smells of airplane food and the sounds of coughing people, I realize I’m back to that place again, that place of wondering where I’m going (not literally! I know I’m flying home!) and what’s in store next. I know now that, although it hasn’t come to fruition in all the ways I imagined as a young, naïve, and completely hopeful writer, that I am, in fact, a writer. I will always return to writing to guide me, and I will always be grateful for this modality in my life, whether it’s in supporting my own journey of healing and creativity, or that it is somehow helpful, comforting, or inspiring to another.

Beyond that, I don’t know where the journey is taking me, but I have dreams, still. I have wishes unfulfilled. The difference between one year ago, ten years ago, or twenty years ago and today, is that I have faith that it will all somehow work out. It won’t necessarily be what and how I expected it to be—that’s the only certainty—but I know it will make sense when I get there.

On that note, sweet friends, I offer you the simplest of prompts, of meditations, and of practices for this month as we all get back to our routines of school and work and (hopefully) renewed self-care, which is this: Honour The Journey. Honour what has brought you here: your past, your mistakes, the roads taken, the roads not taken, and all that it has led you to. Take a moment if you feel inclined and think about or write down three things that you can be proud of and grateful for from your past and your present. And then, take a moment to write down three things that you wish for in your future. If you drop into your intuitive heart, and out of your analytical mind, I have a feeling you will find there what is truly beckoning you forward, and what you—the many-years-from-now you—is wanting you to do today in order to get there.

If this idea speaks to you and you want to explore it further, my message this month was inspired by a meditation offered from one of my favourite meditation creators, Mindful in Minutes, on this very idea of honouring your personal journey (which is to say, your life).

I appreciate the time that you’ve spent with me this year as I’ve gotten back into the groove of writing in new and different ways. I plan to take the month of September to explore what’s calling me forward now and how I can use my own life experiences to light the way for others.

I think that’s what I’m here for, and where I’m supposed to be going.  

 Until next time, be so very well.
Allison

Subrosa for June: Coming Home

Hello friends,

It’s only been a month since I was last here writing to you, but in that funny way that time bends with the seasons, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, it feels as though it’s been much longer than just a few weeks.

Since I last was here, I’ve had the great privilege of travelling overseas to London with my family to visit one of my best friends and her family. We spent time roaming around the heaths, popping into pubs for a pint or two, and visiting castles and palaces with a history that goes back so far you can actually feel it when you stand in the same place that kings and queens once stood.

One such place that became a favourite of mine when I first visited it at the age of 16 is called Hampton Court Palace. The buildings, the gardens—they are exactly as you would imagine a quintessential English palace to be. In fact, if you’re watching Bridgerton on Netfilx right now, you can catch a glimpse of it.

Now at 41, I was back with my best friend and her family, the same best friend I had first visited Hampton Court with. As I walked around with my husband and kids through the palace gardens, taking in the beautiful flowers and lawns so immaculately maintained, passing by the herd of deer still kept that are directly descended from the same line of deer that were stocked for Henry VIII to hunt (when he got bored from doing other stuff like inventing a new religion and cutting off women’s heads), exploring the kitchens, chapel, and 500 year old halls and estate rooms, I was struck with a memory. Or maybe not quite a memory, but this funny feeling of things having come full circle in a way that I could never have possibly hoped for or imagined when I first visited there, all those years ago.

At 16, I was (and in many ways still am) a true, bonafide, hopeless romantic. All I knew at that time was that I wanted to climb out of the life that I was in, fast forward to full adulthood, and find a great love like the ones I imagined existed once upon a time at this palace. At the time, I didn’t have a vision of what that would look like, or who that person would be, but I knew in my bones that it was the only thing that I cared about achieving in my lifetime, and I knew I wouldn’t settle for anything less.

Funnily enough, while away on this trip my son James asked me about my boyfriends, wanting to know how many I’d had in my life, and who they were. By the time I had finished telling him about my entire romantic history, his response was “Wow, that’s a lot of boyfriends.” And it’s true. I searched for a long time, and with such conviction, that even when I found the thing that I had been seeking for so long in my husband and our family, I had been so used to “looking” that it took me a minute to see that I’d found it.

And that’s what struck me, as I walked around Hampton Court holding hands with my husband and watching my two sons run around on the lawn—25 years after my first visit there—that my 16 year old self wouldn’t—couldn’t—believe how beyond lucky I was. That it had taken a lot of trial and tribulation, but holy shit, I’d done it. It’s an incredibly strange, wonderful, humbling, and almost eery feeling to realize that you’re living your dream come true.

What I learned, or perhaps relearned, in that moment is that it’s so important to step back and take stock of what you do have. Because when you do, you might be surprised to find that you’re living the very real life version of a life you once only dreamed of.

Prompt Of The Month

This month, I would love to invite you to write or reflect on your life in this way and see what comes through. What dream are you possibly living that at one time or another was just a sliver of hope or a wish on a cloud? Perhaps you’ve forgotten, in the day to day grind, that what you’re getting to experience today would be nothing short of a miracle to an earlier version of yourself. Give these prompts a try and see what comes through:

What did my younger self used to wish for that I am now getting to experience?

What dreams have come true in my life, big or small, that I might have forgotten wishing for?

What dreams do I still have that I can send out a wish for?

June Offering: Solstice Yoga & Writing Workshop

If you’ve been on this journey with me for awhile, you will know that the Solstices hold a particularly special energy for me. I commit to marking them each year by spending the day holding space for the sacred shift in energy. If this sounds up your alley, I invite you to come join me for a special yoga & writing workshop to mark the Summer Solstice. This is a free session I’m offering as my way of giving back to my community.

When: Friday, June 21 at 12:00-2:00pm
Where: My backyard garden (Bayview & Davisville)
What To Expect: A guided session to align with the energy of the Summer Solstice, including a meditation and yoga session to prepare for a guided therapeutic writing journey to connect with your inner voice and help you set intentions to guide this next few months of the year.
Space is limited to 6 participants.
Email me at allison.mcdonald.ace@gmail to reserve your spot.

Final Thoughts

Upon returning home from England, I felt such a sense of gratitude for my life, it felt like my chest could burst from the feeling of it. The simplicity of my routine that one week prior felt exhausting, the smell of the air in my home, the quiet of my neighbourhood, the ease of just hanging out with my kids, playing and laughing, sitting and chatting with my husband who still somehow looks at me as if I’m new and shiny to him.

I wish it didn’t take stepping out of my life and travelling to remind me of these things, but I think that’s just the way of it. Sometimes, it takes that shift in energy, the pulling away from the daily life and grind, to be able to appreciate fully what you have. At least, it does for me. Sometimes, it takes leaving to be able to come home again and remember that, at one time or another, none of it was guaranteed. That once upon a time there was a very young and hopeful version of this person I am today who barely dared to dream that the life I’m lucky enough to lead—warts and all—could one day be mine.

Until next time…

All good things your way,
Allison

PS: Stay tuned for the next instalment of Self-Care Sunday with Allison for Today’s Parent coming out later this month.

Subrosa for May: Redefining Success

Hello friends,

We’ve made it—finally—to something resembling the change of seasons and the warmer weather being nearly upon is. I don’t know about you, but I feel like I haven’t been warm in well over six months, which is especially true for me today after having returned home after spending almost four hours in the rain watching my son’s soccer tournament. The joys of motherhood!

They say that our children can be our greatest teachers, and I believe this to be very true in my own personal journey this month. I once again seem to be grappling with the question of what I’m meant to be doing with my life coinciding with watching my son show me the answer through him leading his own life with clear heart and determination. It’s actually so simple, but somehow as adults we complicate what we truly want and are meant to do with distorted ideas of what success is, made even more complicated because this notion is so intrinsically linked to how much money we do (or don’t) make, and how we feel we are perceived by others.

I’ve asked James so many times, articulated in so many different ways, what he wants to do with his life over the last few months. Not because he needs to decide already—he’s 9—but just because I’m curious, and I enjoy hearing what his young, uninfluenced self comes up with. His answer has remained steadfastly the same: I want to play soccer. Professionally, semi-professionally, throughout school, as a gym teacher—it doesn’t really matter to him exactly “how” so much is that he gets to do it in whatever way is available to him. And although I’m fully aware that there are hurdles to this path, I feel like it’s my sacred duty as his mother and the steward of his life until he comes of age to support him in this. Many parents of a certain generation might say that supporting him in this is unrealistic and that he should focus on getting “good grades” so that he can one day “good job”. And maybe that’s true, but I also know so many people—myself included—who have spent too much of their precious time here doing things because they should, rather than because it’s what they truly want.

When I think back to my youngest years, I always wanted to be a veterinarian. I loved being around animals so much, but it turned out that science wasn’t my strong suit, and although I love animals, I’m not sure I would have loved being around suffering animals. So that fell by the wayside in favour of just having animals, whether that was a turtle, fish, dogs, or a guinea pig (thanks, Mom!). The thing that has stuck with me, however, across all of the ages, is that I have always, always loved to write. It is, I believe, my way of moving through this world, my way of expressing my truest and innermost self, and my way of having a heartfelt, silent exchange with those who I’m lucky enough care about reading my words. Yet somewhere along the way this path, that has always been so clearly meant for me, became muddied with ideas of success, paying the bills, being considered legitimate. Not to mention that the very fact of being a writer—in any capacity—is damn hard. A quote (attributed to a few different writers, Hemingway among them) sums it up pretty well: “Writing is easy. You just open a vein and bleed.”

In the last month, as James has been showing me what it means to have the courage to choose what you love and screw the rest of it, I’m finding myself really needing to break up with all ideas of work and success that have been imparted on me over my lifetime. I can’t (yet) break up with work altogether, since there are actual bills to be paid, but I am truly enticed by the idea of stripping it all back to the last time and place in my life when I can recall not giving a shit about what I was “supposed” to do—for work or anything else; a time when I never compared myself to what other people were doing, and instead allowed myself to give voice to what I felt was intended for me, and me alone.

I have a vivid memory of being around 18 or so—likely it remains vivid for a reason—and while in conversation with a friend about what we were going to be when we grew up, I uttered these words: “You know, I don’t really care if I work or not when I’m older. I know everyone else really cares about having a career and being able to say “This is what I do” but I kind of wouldn’t mind just staying at home, being a mom and wife, and writing. If I could do those things, and do them well, I think I would be really happy.”

Even as I type the words out, I feel stunned, blown away. Because I’m pretty sure, no, I know, that this was my truest self coming through in that moment to give me the answer—on a silver platter—to the question I would then grapple with for years because I didn’t have the courage to listen. I think I would have saved myself a lot of confusion, a lot of wasted energy comparing and trying to be something I was not, and a lot of striving for something that I never truly wanted if I had.

Don’t get me wrong—I don’t regret my life. The journey, as they say, is the reward. And I think I was also meant to collect all of the work-life experiences I’ve had—from being an administrator, an editor, an independent greeting card maker, and communications manager—they’ve all served. But the truth, I’ve discovered, after more than two decades, remains the same as it was when I was 18: If I could just be a mother, a wife, a writer—and do those things well—then that, for me, is how success is defined. And I think—I hope—that I’m finally brave enough not only to know it, but to live it.

Prompt Of The Month

I share this latest experience of mine not because I think you want to hear all about the inner workings of my struggle with my purpose and ideas of success, but because I know that a) this is a universal conundrum and b) hearing that you’re not alone with these big questions can be of comfort. So, with that in mind, I offer you these prompts for writing, or meditation, or both, that I’ve been working with in my journal this month in the event that they might be the very thing you need to help you find your own answers right now. So grab a pen and paper, light a candle, sit down and see what comes through:

What would I do with my time if I knew that I couldn’t get it wrong?

What ideas of success are harmful to my emotional wellbeing?

How can I redefine success that has nothing to do with money

Meditation Of The Month

Rebecca Campbell is one of my most trusted teachers in the spiritual community for her authenticity and kindness. She has many guided meditations online for free, but if this topic of following your heart and intuition speaks to you in particular, here is a brief but powerful 5 minute meditation from her to help you tap into your heart wisdom.

Yoga of the Month:

As I’ve been leaning more into my writing, I’ve decided that it’s best to let that be my “thing” for now. However, I am still a devoted yoga practitioner and teacher, even if it’s not in the traditional way of being in studio. And so, to that end, I love sharing my favourite practices with you from others that I follow. Yoga with Kassandra has an excellent yin yoga series that works with the chakras. This one focuses on the Third Eye, which is the seat of intuition and insight. This helped me when I was really feeling stuck and hopefully it can do the same for you.

Final Thoughts

The point, I think, of this whole human-ing thing is to figure out for ourselves what makes us truly feel successful, lit up, fulfilled, and at peace. No one can give us the answer, and it is unique to each one of our lives—it could never be that there is only one way. I also think there are some important caveats to acknowledge when it comes to this idea of success as I’ve defined it here for myself, so as to not add unnecessary pressure or guilt:

1) The answers to those questions can, and will, change over time as we evolve.

2) There is a lot of inherent privilege that comes along with even having the space and wherewithal to ask those questions of “What do I want to do?”, and “What is success to me?” But having that privilege doesn’t mean you can’t, or shouldn’t, ask them. There are people who don’t have the type of lives that allow them to think about anything beyond the status quo or their very survival, and if that is not you, then you must allow yourself to ask the questions if they are coming to you, without guilt. Because if they could, they would.

3) As James continues to teach me, it takes a boat load of bravery, a fierce belief in your own self and your own heart, and a massive dose of believing in possibility involved in all of the unraveling and redefining of what success is for you. That takes time and there is no age by which you must get there. It takes time—to cultivate, to heal, to get to know yourself, to not be afraid. And that’s okay.

4) It also takes a little bit of magic and childlike wonder to open up to possibility, and not be constrained by traditional expectations we’ve all had thrust upon us.

As we get more into the summer months, I invite you, in this brighter, lighter season, to not take it all so seriously. To open up—playfully—to the curiosity of “If I could do it any which way, and didn’t care what society, or family, or friends—or my inner critic—would say, how would I do it differently? Or better yet, would I?” And maybe, as you do, you might also dig deep inside and pull up that bit of courage your 9 year old self had to help you see what answers come through, and where the road less travelled might take you.

Until next time…

All good things your way,
Allison

PS: If you want to read my latest article for Today’s Parent in my monthly Sunday Self Care Series, check it out here.

Subrosa for April: Remembering Who You Are

Hello friends,

I hope that this finds you so well during this special energy of the solar eclipse.

I’ve just returned from an afternoon spent with my children at The Brickworks to experience the eclipse. I have to admit that I’ve been quite against all of the hype—the buying of the glasses to look at something that everything else in nature knows not to look at during that time—seems against the whole point of this phenomenon to me. But, my husband and kids wanted to check it out, so I went along, my one request being that we go somewhere in nature so that I could watch what the birds and animals would do and not get pulled into the more human chaos of it. I wasn’t the only one who had that idea, as there was a decent crowd, but it did feel peaceful and serene being there, listening to the birds as they got louder and louder and then suddenly quiet during the darkest point of the moon passing over the sun.

I’m glad that I went, and I’m also glad that I didn’t spend $3000 for a hotel overnight in Niagara Falls, which apparently people have done. There is something about keeping it simple that, I think, especially in these overstimulating times, we sometimes forget can be more nourishing and more meaningful. Remembering the whole point of what’s going on in the first place.

This last month there have been so many themes and personal lessons that have come up for me, I have to admit I’ve struggled for the first time since launching this newsletter to know what to write about.

One theme I’ve been working with is the idea of living through your dreams coming true—what that feels like, and how, once your dream comes true, it can often remind you of other dreams you still have, or you’ve forgotten, only to discover they still matter to you.

For my entire adult life I’ve dreamed of having my own column or my own series for a legitimate publication. After Today’s Parent published my weekly series, Self-Care Sunday, for the month of February as a test run, they agreed to continue on with publishing this as an ongoing monthly series. I was thrilled to have this opportunity, and yet I was reminded again that having a dream and then experiencing it actually being realized can look very different. I’m not sure that all those years ago while watching Sex and The City and dreaming of an untethered life (unrealistic as it was) like Carrie Bradshaw’s, I was thinking that I would be writing a self-care column for Today’s Parent. But, here I am, and this long and winding path has brought me to this point in a way that I’m very grateful for. I’ve reached a place in my life where, by sharing my own experiences and vulnerabilities, I am being given the chance to be of service to others, which to me is what this doing life is all about. (You can read this most recent instalment of Self-Care Sunday here, which was all about working through and healing body image and objectification.)

The other aspect of life I’ve been working through has been the idea of mothering—mothering my children, and mothering myself, and what that all means. This month has been another challenging one, with both kids’ programs, illnesses, attitudes, and me just being plain old tired, in large part due to my finding out that my iron levels are extremely low (if you needed it, this is a reminder to get your annual checkup and bloodwork done!) I told my husband the other night that, at the core of it, I just don’t think I’m built with the same energy levels as he and my boys are. I need more rest, I need more down time, I need more silence. It’s how I’m wired, and the mother in me knows to honour that in myself.

And yet sometimes, on my dark days, this makes me feel like maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mom, that maybe other, more energetic people would be so much better at this role than I am. But I know that there are no coincidences, that I am meant to be their mother just as much as anything has ever been meant to be. And maybe that in the dynamic we share, while I am learning about my own boundaries and what I can and cannot do—and most importantly, when I need to tap out and say no—perhaps they are also learning the value of rest, balance, and having nothing to do, and how that cultivates opportunities for connection, for spontaneous moments, and for ease. Il dolce far niente is the way that is expressed in Italy—the sweetness of doing nothing.

As I entered into a brief guided meditation for the eclipse that was sent to me by my first ever spiritual teacher that I met at the tender age of 12, she said during her message that the moon is guiding is through this phase to remember who we truly are. And that struck a deep chord with me, and also, I think, encapsulates everything that has been happening for me recently.

April, the Spring, is a time of renewal and rebirth, but I think it’s also a time of remembering. Remembering that we are not just a body, that we are not just a person who works, or a mother who takes care of children, or a friend who makes plans for hanging out. We are all of those things and yet there was a time before any of that—before any of the labels and identities and responsibilities—where we were still entire, complete beings, here with a uniqueness and a purpose and a style that perhaps was yet to be articulated, but it was always there. And now is the time for a renewed and remembered sense of what that uniqueness is, in all its multitudes.

I am—and have always been—a person who craves alone time, who relishes in a good book by myself for hours on end as the ultimate luxury. I am someone who likes to be slow and intentional, not always having to be working or doing. I am also someone who loves being with my people, who loves a good belly laugh (preferably many times a day), who loves a good steak and a glass of wine despite all the science telling me that I shouldn’t. I am someone who dreams of being a writer in more ways than I currently am. I still dream of writing that book (or books) about time periods long ago that hold endless fascination for me. I’m someone that loses my temper when I’m tired or pushed to the limit. I’m someone that gets nervous and scared even though it seems outwardly that I don’t. I’m someone that loves fiercely, and also, can be cut, and cut back in return, deeply. I’m someone that is curious, and also prefers to just do the things I like and be around the people I’m comfortable with. I’m not a joiner, until I am.

All that is to say, in remembering and acknowledging all the different parts of who I am, and being compassionate and mothering towards myself, my dreams, my needs, and my shortcomings, the reason I wasn’t able to write about just one theme or lesson or challenge this month is because it’s all just part of Life right now, it’s the truth of currently who and how I am.

I felt this so acutely today, as we walked around the ponds and the marshes of The Brickworks, listening to the sounds and the quiet, feeling the shift in the air as the sky got darker, inch by inch. My husband declared in his casual but profound way, “Look guys, life is happening”. And it landed so resoundingly, right in the center of me, that I had to pause. Right, I thought. Life is happening.

I thought about how life is always happening, whether we realize it or not. It’s never ending dreaming, and mothering, and feeling like a failure, and remembering parts of us that we forgot; it’s energy renewing, and aligning with what we’re here to do, knowing what makes us tick; it’s feeling sad, or tired; it’s knowing that it’s okay when it’s all not perfect, and is sometimes even harsh or dark. Life doesn’t require us to do anything other than flow with it, to come back to that truth, over and over again—no matter how often we get derailed—of who we are and to live from that place. To live from the truth that it’s all good. It’s all life.

And just like that (see what I did there?) my moment of pause, and the eclipse, both ended. The boys started whining for a snack, asking whether they could go play with their friends, and getting upset when I said no. It was time to head home and get ready for dinner.

The sun came back out, the light returned. And Life kept happening.

Prompt Of The Month

This month, with it being spring and the heralding in of fresh energy (and the releasing of stagnant energy that no longer serves) I would love to offer you this following prompt to work with.

As always, set yourself up with a pen and paper, light a candle, or if you prefer you can use these as walking meditation prompts. And then, just write…

How can I come back more fully to my truest self, to remember who I am?

If this idea and theme is resonating with you, I also wanted to share a lovely (and brief) meditation from Mindful In Minutes on the idea of releasing your past here.

Yoga of the Month:

This Earth Element Grounding and Stability class is one that I have been doing often lately. I love that it starts with Vinyasa for the first half and then the second half transitions to Yin. This is not traditionally the order you are supposed to do these two traditions of yoga in, but it’s my preferred way of doing them, and is also how Yoga with Kassandra combines the two styles in her classes.

This grounding sequence is fun and connects with the energy of the Earth—appropriate for Earth Day on April 22nd—so if you are looking for something new and engaging to shake up your movement routine, I highlight recommend this one.

One-on-One Sessions

As lives and schedules are increasingly busy and conflicting for the people on my wonderful community here, I have decided to offer one on one sessions for therapeutic writing, meditation, channeled oracle readings, and yoga, tailored and curated to each person’s needs and interests with a unique combination just for each session.

If this is of interest to you, please reach out to me directly to set up an in-person session and receive further details. And feel free to share with anyone you think might be interested in learning more!

Namaste, my friends.

Until next time…

All good things your way,
Allison

Subrosa for March: All About Friendship

Hello friends,

I hope that this finds you so well, wherever you are.

This month is considered by some cultures and traditions to be the true start of the new year, when spring is around the corner, baby animals start to be born, buds ever so slowly begin to sprout. There’s a sense of newness and rebirth. It’s also the time I start to come out of my social hibernation, which, naturally, has me thinking these days about friendships both near and far.

As I’ve written about here, I find that the time after December right up until this month is so important to go inward, to hibernate like the animals and the trees and the plants, and to take time to be quiet. For me, this means also taking a big break from having much of a social life. This idea actually came to me from a good friend of mine who unabashedly has taken to hibernating come January for as long as I’ve known her. When she explained to me over ten years ago when we met that after Christmas I wouldn’t be hearing from her until the spring, I found it so admirable and so liberating. She just knew she needed to do that for herself and didn’t care about asking permission or forgiveness.

Each passing year as I’ve leaned more and more into adopting this practice of withdrawing and finding ways of turning into my home and sanctuary, it’s an occasion that often brings up the idea of friendship for many reasons, one being that it doesn’t always sit well with others. Some people are okay with how I roll. They get that I need this time—as well as other times—to be a bit of a hermit. Others, I’ve learned over the years, find this to be disconcerting or frustrating. I know from having lived enough life now that this is more about them bumping up against the setting of boundaries rather than anything personal. But as I’ve started over the last week to open myself back up to making more plans and coming out of this hibernation, I find that the idea of friendship—how it has been a through line in my life, has sometimes been a source of great stress and sadness, and at other times has made the very difference between my emotional survival in times of great personal turmoil—has very much been on my mind.

I found myself reflecting on all of this the other day as I was walking to meet up with a friend that I haven’t been able to get together with for a few years now. I was thinking about how there are so many different types of friends and friend relationships. This particular friendship is one that I made as an adult, first as a networking connection that then blossomed into a true, like-minded and like-hearted connected on a deep spiritual level that I hadn’t yet experienced until then in my life.

There are those friendships where your relationship is predicated on seeing each other more frequently, out of habit or circumstance or desire—or all three. There are those that you only see once every few months, which is the majority of my friend relationships right now, due to the demands of life and work and family. There are those you might only see once a year or less, such as my best friend Andrea who has lived in England for over 20 years now, but whom remains my true soul friend despite the distance. Ours is the kind of friendship I cherish so much because we can go months and months without speaking much, but when we do, it always feels like not even one day was missed.

I’m very lucky that, aside from a few heart wrenching friend breakups along the way (which, I think, can actually be more devastating than a romantic breakup) I’ve been in the majority of my friendships since I was 11 years old. They each have their own origin story that I cherish for the innocence and the very real, divinely planned sense of it all.

One friendship was sparked after a few laughs over Smelly Markers and a love of roller coasters at Canada’s Wonderland, and was solidified when, as with most grade 7 girls, I became the subject of a bullying campaign that left me a bit of a pariah for a time. My Smelly Marker friend refused to co-sign that treatment of me, an act of courage and integrity that I don’t know many adults would have the guts to do, let alone a young girl in that pressure cooker time of life. She demonstrated to me that standing up for another who is vulnerable is perhaps the single most important thing you can experience that sets apart a person of great character.

Another of these core friendships sprang out of a moment that is emblazoned in my mind as if it just happened. It was my first year at a new school, and she came into class late. As I turned around to see who was coming in, I was struck by how beautiful and cool I found her to be, with her one blond streak at the front of her hair, high top white Chucks and green overalls. Looking back, what I know to be true is that it wasn’t just her outward appearance that struck me, but rather, it was a deeper, soul recognition that this person was going to be a very important part of my life.

And then there is my dear friend who I saw for the first time in the fifth grade performing a rendition of Rubber Duckie on stage for the talent show. I still remember thinking that she was definitely the bravest and funniest person I had ever seen, to be able to get up there and pull that off with such aplomb, not even a hint of nerves. We didn’t become fast friends right away, as our paths of school and life weaved in and out. But when they did connect, it was an immediate sense of “Right, yes, this is my person.” And that first thought—that she was the bravest and funniest person I had ever seen—still holds true, despite, or maybe because of, all of the growth and change we have gone through together and apart.

So as I’ve entered this month with the idea of friendship so much on my heart and my mind, I thought I would share this with you in the practices I’m working on this week.

Prompt Of The Month

I would love to offer up this month a multi-pronged prompt on the idea of friendship—friendship with another, as well as the one that you have with yourself—as they are both so vital to our whole experience.

As always, set yourself up with a pen and paper, light a candle, or if you prefer you can use these as walking meditation prompts. And then, just write…

1) How can I be a better friend to myself?

2) What friendships light me up (without a sense of obligation or pressure)?

3) How can I nurture the friendships in my life more deeply even though my days and weeks are busy?

4) How can I lovingly recognize and let go of the friendships that are perhaps no longer serving my life?

If this idea and theme is resonating with you, I also wanted to share a lovely (and brief) meditation from Mindful In Minutes on the idea of friendship, connection, and loneliness here.

Pose of the Month:

Rather than share a pose of the month, I’m sharing one of my favourite online practices from my go-to yoga teacher at this time of my life, Yoga With Kassandra, called Yin Yoga & Affirmations for JOY & OPTIMISM. This is a full 45 minute class, so definitely earmark it for when you have the time to devote to yourself. This one is all about feeling good and cultivating joy and optimism—that feeling that you get when you’ve just had a really good laugh or a really good chat with a friend—using the supportive practice of yin coupled with affirmations.

I hope you will give it a try if you’re feeling lonely, if you’re in need of a friend or missing a friend, as this kind of self care is the ultimate way to be a friend—to yourself—by opening up to yourself with the calm and ease from a wonderful practice like this one.

Final Thoughts

The thing that I have found to be true amongst all the different iterations of friendship I’ve been fortunate enough to experience is that the more tightly you hold on to the way things “should be”—in terms of frequency of time spent, prioritizing quantity over quality—or the more tightly you hold on to the way things “used to be”, as opposed to the way things naturally are as you evolve as people—then the more likely it is that that friendship will not sustain, or will carry with it a sense of tension beneath the surface. Resentment and unspoken emotion is a poison greater than almost any other.

I have often said that a long term friendship is like a marriage: You need to weather the ups and downs, to hold space for another’s journey, to understand that it won’t necessarily look the way that it used to, but that if you can find a way to grow together and move through the peaks and valleys with grace and, above all, a sense of humour, the reward on the other side will be a huge, unsayable, unconditional love that can only exist between friends who choose each other for no other reason than the sake of the friendship. There’s no financial security, there’s no status (well, unless you’re friends with, like, Taylor Swift, in which case you might get some status), no physical component beyond hugs and belly laughs. It’s just based on the pure love and joy of sharing your time—however long or short, infrequent or not—it might be.

Our friendships are the family that we choose, they are the physical embodiment of our connection to happiness and love mirrored back to us in another person. Our greatest friendship is, of course, the one that we have with ourself. But the ones that we have with others—whether that be a friendship found in our family of origin, at work, at school, or the ones that we meet in unexpected ways, true friendships are the relationships that are the foundation you can rely on when all else goes tits up. They have nothing to do with how often or not you see each other, and everything to do with the quality of love, the steadiness of support you offer, and—for real—the depth of the belly laughs you give one another.

The other day I saw a spiritual teacher, Cory Muscara, post this spiritual anecdote, that for me truly sums it all up:

The Buddha's cousin, Ananda, once said to the Buddha, "I think spiritual friendship is half the spiritual path. It's so important."

The Buddha replied, "Ananda, friendship is not half of the path; it's the whole thing."

Until next time…

All good things your way,
Allison

P.S. In case you missed it and are hankering for more reading from me, check out the last installment of my Self-Care Sunday series with Today’s Parent about The Spirit .

Subrosa for February: All About Perspective

Hello friends,

I hope that this finds you so well, wherever you are. And if you’re having a hard time in any way, I hope that this offers some comfort and support.

February is the month of love: Romantic, Valentine’s Day, I choo-choo-choose you kind of love. Which is great! I’m all for more love in all the ways. But I would also invite you to see if you can use this month to turn that love inward toward yourself, to make this the month where you devote even 10% more of your huge capacity to love others toward your own precious self.

To that end, I’m excited to share that this month I have a new series with Today’s Parent called Self-Care Sundays, where each week I will be writing an article in the same vein as my monthly newsletters, providing tips and sharing personal experiences to help support cultivating more self-care in the lives of those who read it. Today, the first in the series was published on the theme of The Body (the mind, heart, and spirit to follow next).

It’s funny how perspective changes with time, with growth, with age. This series is one that I have been trying to bring about in some form for awhile now. I finally got to a position where I felt fairly confident the outlet I wanted to pitch it to would accept it, so I shot my shot. I was thrilled when the editor at Today’s Parent gave me the green light. And then, after I sent my draft of the first article in, I didn’t hear back for days.

My perspective and self-talk ten years ago would have gone immediately to the worst and most critical places, assuming the lack of response was because obviously the editor hated my work and thought I was an utterly shit writer (which, in fairness, is the plight of all writers, no matter how successful they are). And although I admit I had a minute of that, I have the life experience behind me and the gracious perspective to know that whatever the reason she wasn’t replying to me, it didn’t matter because my intention in wanting to write this series comes from the deepest calling of my heart to want to help people. I told myself that I would just have to find another way to get it out there. So I let it go, resolved to try again another day, another way.

That same hour, my editor reached out to tell me how sorry she was, that it had been a really busy week, and that she was putting the finishing touches on the final piece for publication.

It was such a good reminder for me of why I’m doing this work, that it isn’t about getting published or about another byline. And also a confirmation that no matter how small or wide my reach as an author is, if I’m able to help even 10 people find a way to connect back in to themselves, to feel a little bit better through the words I write, then it is very much a part of my purpose to continue this work. One that I am devoted to fulfilling. With time, of course, my hope is that this reach grows and extends as more people are drawn to read about my experiences and these practices to help themselves. But I know enough now to not let myself get bogged down in the weeds, and let things flow as they are meant to flow. As long as it’s coming from a place of love, it seems that somehow, always, the rest gets taken care of.

Prompt Of The Month

Since February is, indeed, the month of love, it’s hard for me not to think about the heart, our most precious organ and the place of our true self and intuition. One of my favourite facts about the heart is one I learned from the work of the HeartMath Institute, a non-profit organization dedicated to researching the function and role of the heart in parapsychology. Through their studies they have proven that—contrary to popular understanding—it is not the brain that sends the majority of signals to the body, but rather, it is the other way around. The heart and cardiovascular system is the place from which the majority of ascending neural pathways come from, which means, basically, that the heart sends more information to the brain than the brain sends to the heart. The heart is the wellspring that all wisdom emerges from, and if we can listen more deeply to what the heart is saying, and not the mind, we will find our path open up so much more easily.

The cool thing about living in the time we are in is that science is starting to catch up with what ancient spiritual traditions, wise men and women, and philosophers have known for eons. For the skeptical mind, the proof from the material world is starting to support the esoteric truths, making it more mainstream to live a heart centred life. At the very least, those seeds are starting to be planted more firmly in the collective, and I love to see it.

So this month, the writing prompt we are working with is the idea of bowing the mind intelligence to the heart intelligence, the space within us that is the seat of our true selves and highest wisdom.

As you set yourself up to write, or if you prefer to just sit in quiet and meditate, do that, and then take 3 deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Really sigh it out, letting your body settle into the moment. Close your eyes and imagine yourself dropping from the busy mind into the calm center of your chest. Perhaps imagine a light in the middle that starts to expand the more you focus on it.

And then ask into this lit up space:

What does my heart want me to know, today, in this moment?

It’s a simple question, but the answers that arise will be profound. I encourage you to listen, to write down what comes through without forcing and judgment. Where possible, take grounded action to follow through on the intuition that comes through.

Pose of the Month: Melting Heart Pose

This is a wonderful pose to do when you’re feeling stuck, at the end of the work day if your upper body needs a stretch, or simply on those days when your heart is in need of extra care. It’s a pose of surrender, of opening up to what is, and of grounding down into the support of the earth. It is the embodiment of melting everything down so that you are connecting intentionally to the heart and opening up to whatever is there to meet you.

To do this pose, I would encourage a few rounds of cat/cow to begin with just to warm up the spine. Then, while keeping your hips high and knees planted and pulling back towards your heels, extend your arms and truly feel yourself melting down to the ground. Let yourself rest for as long as you can, at least two minutes is great. Remember to breathe, and just allow the ground to connect as best as you can with your heart space, without forcing it down.

Final Thoughts

Coming out of January, I feel more committed than ever to sharing the self-care practices that have helped me so much in returning to a place of balance.

It feels that almost every other conversation I have with people I encounter throughout my days, especially women, is around the idea that we are all experiencing varying degrees of burnout, whether from parenting, or working, or working and parenting, and everything else life throws at us. The energy of this time is a lot to navigate.

Just today, I was chatting with a friend who is struggling. She told me she feels like she’s failing at everything—parenting, working, wifing, life-ing—even though, to me, it’s clear she’s doing such an incredible job at juggling all the balls she has in the air. I suggested a few things to help her balance out a bit, like gentle walks, baths, yin yoga, and yet I could see that even the idea of those few practices was just too much. The very notion of having to make time to do anything else—even if that time would be to do something for herself—was too exhausting. So the thought came to me again about this idea of perspective, and how sometimes it just comes down to that. Sometimes it’s not about doing more, or less, or differently, but instead it’s about shifting the perspective, to pull out of the harshness of the logical mind, and drop into the gentler and greater wisdom of the heart.

I offered up the idea that maybe instead of aiming for 100% in all these life areas, it would be kinder to aim for 75%. 75% in all things, taking the pressure off to be the best and feeling like she was always coming up short, and instead to aim for just being good enough. Allowing good enough to be enough for now. I offered up that this time in life, with younger kids and working and all the things that come along with that, is temporary. It’s so, so temporary. It won’t always be this hard, or at least, this kind of hard. My hope in offering her this shift in perspective was that maybe just holding on to that idea—that it’s not amazing right now, but this, along with all things, will also pass—could be more helpful than any other item or practice to add to the never-ending list of To-Dos.

Whether it will help or not I suppose remains to be seen. But it’s a good reminder, for myself included, that when all else fails, dropping out of the mind and the ego, and into the heart and the true self— where everything looks a little bit kinder, and feels a little bit easier— is always available to us. The heart always knows the truth that the mind will never be able to figure out. We just have to remember to go there.

Until next time…

All good things your way,
Allison

Subrosa for January: Honouring Your Self and Your Word

Hello friends,

I hope that this finds you—wherever you are—peacefully and lovingly.

As I write this, I’m looking out my kitchen window where everything is covered in a blanket of fresh snow and it finally feels as though winter has arrived. I welcome it. These next few months, while they have a renewed energy as we enter 2024, are also about rest and hibernation. Nature does not take January to March as a time to get working. It’s a time to go inward, to allow for things to be darker, quieter, less busy, so that when April rolls around we are naturally ready to enter the spring with a genuine pep in our step.

I found it really fascinating in leading up to New Year’s Eve this year that collectively, instead of people talking about resolutions, the idea was more about what they were leaving behind in 2023 and what they were welcoming in to 2024. This is the first year that I’ve noticed this kind of rhetoric, and I think it’s a sign that more of us are returning to a more peaceful, balanced approach to life—or at least, that’s the intention.

Resolutions are full of pressure, timelines, and exerting willpower. Gently examining what no longer serves and what you’re ready to let go of, as well as what you’re ready to make more space for, is in alignment with the most core principles of the Divine Feminine. I loved seeing this shift because what it says to me is that collectively we have taken one more step away from hustle and grind culture, and one more step towards living a whole, heart centred life. A life where work, play, and love are measured equally instead of the emphasis or highest worth being placed on work first and everything else second.

So on that note, I will share what I’m leaving behind in 2023, and what I’m making space for in 2024.

I am leaving behind stress. Ha! I bet that got you laughing! It sounds impossible, right? How can you leave behind stress? It’s a thread woven deeply through our every day lives. But my intention is to leave behind—as best as I can—the habits and relationships in life, or the perspectives I hold surrounding them—that cause me to have a stressful reaction. My nervous system, frankly, can’t take it anymore.

I recently started listening to Dr. Edith Eger’s book The Gift. She talks about how as a survivor of the prisoner camps in Auschwitz, she learned that the only prison that truly exists is the one that we make in our own minds. That in every situation, no matter how dire or how mundane, we have choice as to how we will respond, how we will see it, how we are beholden to it. This really hit me, and I thought, Well, if she can do it, so can I. I want to prioritize my internal peace, joy, and health more than I want to hold on to my role heretofore as a stressed out working mom.

What I’m making space for in 2024 is TIME. It’s a consistent theme with me, this idea of time—the lack of it, the yearning for it, the constant attempt to make space for it. But I mean time in more than just the measure of minutes passing. I recently listened to Jay Shetty, a former monk and spiritual teacher, speak about how his daily practice can be summed up with the acronym TIME, which to him stands for:

T-Thankfulness
I-Intention
M-Meditation
E-Exercise

I think that if I can hold space for all of those things in a day, then I’m doing okay. Better than okay, I’m doing my best, for myself and for those around me. Ultimately, that’s all we can do.

Prompt Of The Month

Self sovereignty is an idea I keep returning to. It’s the idea that, ultimately, we know best for ourselves. There is of course value in learning and receiving from others’ guidance and expertise. But I hope that in the shifting months and years ahead, we might all lean more into what we know to be true for ourselves.

You are the ultimate authority on You.

I read somewhere I can’t recall now that greater than right or wrong as a compass for navigating our lives is our intuition. And I think this to be immensely true. So if you hear advice or guidance or messaging this year that doesn’t sit well with you or just doesn’t seem to be right for you, I encourage you to listen to yourself first and just leave what doesn’t resonate at the door.

On the note of self sovereignty, the writing prompt I am offering up this month is to help hone in on and practice this idea. The answers that you seek are within, not without. This may seem trite and a bit woo-woo (but let’s face it, I’m a bit woo woo), yet it’s also a powerful idea. No one can tell you how to be, or what you need, better than you can.

So grab a notebook and a pen, take a few deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. If you would rather just sit in contemplation or walk with this idea, you can do that too.

And then begin…

I am my own authority.
My heart and my mind are a source of infinite wisdom within me.
The answer to the question I am seeking is…

Pose of the Month: Sleeping Swan (or Pigeon Pose)

This one can be tricky if you have tight hips like I do. Especially as women, we often hold our stress and emotions in our hips and sacrum/low back, which is why this can be a challenge on many levels. Practiced often and deeply, this can cause a release on both the physical and emotional level. If you are inclined to give it a go, I would begin with extended child’s pose and cat/cow to warm up, and then move into Sleeping Swan (which is what it’s called in the Yin Yoga tradition) for a nice ten minute sequence at the start or end of the day.

Don’t try to chase sensation. If you need to tuck your foot in closer to your thigh as opposed to getting your top leg perfectly parallel to the front of your mat, who cares. Just go with what feels good and allows you to come into rest on your arms or a bolster or pillow in front. Hold for 3 minutes each side and just listen to your breath.

Final Thoughts

The winter break was manifold for me. I loved having time to be with my kids, to not have to wake up to an alarm clock, to let the day unfold organically. To play. I also spent most of it dealing with a sinus infection which turned into bronchitis and many sleepless nights. So, that was less fun. I’m looking forward to the kids going back to school and establishing a new—less stressful—routine.

This past weekend, my husband gave me with the opportunity to truly recuperate from my never-ending cold by taking our boys away on a hockey tournament solo so that I could have 3 days and 2 nights of rest to myself. I don’t think I’ve had that in over ten years. Of course, as most women do, once they left and I had all the time that I so often crave, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had to actively give myself permission to rest and remind myself that this time was a gift that I had been given to entirely recuperate and lean into the practices that I preach. It took me a minute, but I got there.

I was quiet, I went for a massage, I took gentle walks around the neighbourhood, practiced yoga, read a new book. As part of how I wanted to start off 2024, I had already decided to do a social media detox, prioritize good sleep hygiene, as well as to participate in a damp (so not entirely dry, but almost) January. Getting to do this kind of reset, I realize, is a privilege, but I also looked at it as a sort of experiment to see what I would come out the other side with.

Not only did it allow for my body to come back to health, I learned, or perhaps relearned, the value of a kind word, and how much words matter. They are the bridge between our inner and outer worlds, and the expression of our interconnectedness as human beings. I have been on the receiving end of an unkind word and have also been the perpetrator of harsh words—as we all have. This is probably in part what drew me to be a writer from an early age, as I came to realize the power a word could wield to transcend and uplift or to destroy and deny, more than any pointed sword.

Because I spent the last few days alone and quiet for the most part, I was more acutely aware of the interactions with people that I did have, which were mostly with strangers. On the day that I was scheduled to go for a massage, I sent out a wish that I would be paired with a therapist who would be really suited to helping me reset my body in the way that it most needed.

I met Sam, shook her hand, and immediately felt this sense that she was exactly who I was meant to be matched up with. She started off the massage quietly, which I was grateful for, but as she discovered certain areas that were full of tension (my shoulders up around my ears, for instance, which she said is due to stress…obviously), she spoke to me about what she was noticing and what I could do to alleviate it. It was so helpful to be shown exactly the areas in my body that needed extra love and attention so that in the coming weeks I can work to fully reset and release unnecessary tension or pain through targeted stretches and exercises.

Sam was so kind and nurturing and gentle. I didn’t want to just say “Thank you” for her work as our session came to a close. So I called on my intuition, asking for the words to really express my gratitude. I told her that her energy was really lovely, and that if I was right, I could tell that this was more than just a job to her, but that it felt more like a calling, and a vocation, and that if so, I just wanted her to know that I thought she was truly excellent at it. Sam paused and took a deep breath. I was worried I’d said the wrong thing for a moment, but then she said to me, You know, I can’t tell you how much that means to me. She said that she had struggled for a long time to find purpose (Welcome to the club, honey!), had flipped and flopped, working in service then martial arts and then biotech, until someone said to her that she would be really good as an RMT. A lightbulb went off and she went with it. She told me that she truly loved her work and loved helping people.

I, in turn, loved hearing her story, as it was yet another reminder to me that we all come to where we need to be in the exact perfect timing—no rushing or forcing can get us there faster. And I guess Sam loved hearing the words I offered to her because they came from a place of genuine kindness and appreciation. In that moment we both received a gift, one that went far beyond the exchange of money for a service.

I left the massage being more deeply aware than ever that we never know the impact we can have on a person’s day. Sometimes we will show up better than others. That’s okay. It’s all part of it. But when you can in the coming weeks, I offer you this invitation: If you feel inspired or if you’ve been feeling low, offer up a word of kindness as a gift to yourself and the other person.

Words matter. The ones we say to ourselves just as much as the ones we say to others.

Until next time…

All good things your way,
Allison

Winter Solstice & Holiday Survival Guide

Hello friends,

Happy Solstice to you! For many of you, the Winter Solstice is possibly just a date you zoom past in your calendars. That was me for many years. I had a vague awareness of the solstice and equinox dates each year but they held no meaning to me (that I was aware of, anyhow).

As I mentioned in my December newsletter, last year after a period of disconnect from my deeper inner life, I found that the time of the Winter Solstice brought me back in many ways to my true self, to the light, and offered a way for me to connect to something of greater value and meaning to counteract the hustle and bustle of the more materialistic aspects leading up to Christmas and New Year. The aspect of the solstice that is so lovely is that in its very nature—the darkest night of the year—it is also heralding in the light. It reminds us that all light is borne out of first going into the darkness; all seeds that eventually sprout must first be planted in the depths of the dark soil in order to thrive, and in that way so much of what we eventually come to enjoy and thrive in also first has to come from a period of darkness or hardship. But the Solstice offers us an opportunity to learn how to go into the innermost caverns of ourselves—in even the darkest of times—which is where inevitably we will always find the light.

Today, I’m going to share with you a meditation practice that you can do so very easily to support you during this time and one that I have been practicing myself all month. I hope that it offers a sense of calm, peace, and guidance as we move into the solstice and the winter break.

I’m also including A Holiday Survival Guide that offers some of my all time favourite meditations, yoga practices, books, and podcasts from other teachers whom I greatly respect and admire—and some that are just for shits and giggles! All of these have gotten me through, whether by making me laugh or reminding me that there is much more going on in our lives than meets the eye and that we are—all of us—supported by something greater, even when it doesn’t always feel like it.

Winter Solstice (or any time) Walking Meditation

The great thing about a walking meditation is that you can habit stack, getting the benefits of fresh air and movement at the same time as going inward to connect to your self. You are welcome to do this practice with pen and paper or just as your move about your day in other ways if going out for a walk is not available to you, but I know that for many of us at this time of year getting outside for even 20 minutes into the cool air acts as a medicine and a soothing balm to the nervous system.

I have the benefit of living near Evergreen Brickworks and the Moore Park Ravine, so this is often where I will do this practice. If you have any kind of nature space near you, I encourage you to do this practice amongst the trees, as nature is a great healer and holder of space.

As you get ready for your walk, make sure you leave your earphones and phone tucked away. Start just by walking and breathing (or if you’re at home, puttering or sitting, and breathing), noticing your breath as it passes the tip of your nose on the inhale, and then the way it travels down your lungs. Practice bringing it deeper into your belly, feeling the expansion of your abdomen on the inhale and then the release as you exhale. Do this until you feel your breath smooth out and you notice that you’re calmer—even 10% calmer. Now, ask yourself a question that you’ve been longing for an answer to. It can be anything, perhaps something to do with your health, your work, your family, your purpose or direction in life. Just anything that has been pressing on you. If you don’t have a question in mind, here are some great ones to ask, especially around the Winter Solstice:

What am I ready to let go of?
How can I Iet more light into my life?

Once you have the question, ask it either in your mind or out loud. Offer it up to the universe, to the trees, to the sky, to a higher being, whatever resonates for you. And then set the trust and intention that by the end of your walk (or your puttering or writing session) you will receive the answers, guidance, and wisdom you need to know right now.

I promise you that you will feel better and more grounded by the end of this practice. Just trust it and see what comes through.

Holiday Survival Guide

Here is a list of my favourite things to watch, read, and listen to. I’ve annotated each one so you have a sense of what it’s good for. In the spirit of giving, I’m sharing these resources as gifts to you as well as a way of giving back to these creators who have helped me through their work. I hope they prove to be as enlightening and entertaining to you as they have been for me!

Free Meditations
Winter Solstice Meditation
This is a great guided meditation for the solstice by Mindful in Minutes. It’s only 10 minutes and is super calming and full of light. This is also a great podcast resource for brief, free guided meditations, and she has such a nice voice to listen to.

Free Yoga
30 Minute Yin Yoga For Your Nervous System
Whether you need a reset after the intensity of the work and school year so far, a way to counterbalance all of the frenetic gift buying energy, or to decompress from family time, this is a wonderful practice and is only 30 minutes. Yoga with Kassandra is an excellent resource for free yoga, and my new favourite yoga teacher (yes, yoga teachers have yoga teachers!)

Podcasts
Armchair Anonymous (by Armchair Expert Dax Shepard) is my favourite Friday podcast. Anonymous listeners of the podcast call in and share stories on a theme. They are a mix of funny, heartwarming, and relatable. If you need something to accompany you on a long drive or walk, I highly recommend going back and diving into the wealth of stories here for a dose of humanity.

Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald is my mainstay podcast. It was the second podcast I started listening to after Serial and it’s got everything pop culture, but with a depth that goes beyond just surface level topics. If you’re a Housewives/Bravo fan and love everything pop culture—which I’m not ashamed to admit that I do—you have to listen to this!

Why You Should Use Your Middle Space This Holiday Season
The Aligned Podcast is a spiritual podcast the goes deep into what is happening with the energies each month. I love it for the monthly guidance she channels from the Akashic Records, but even if this is not your jam, I highly recommend this recent episode about how to stay neutral while navigating family and friend dynamics over the holidays.

Good Inside with Dr. Becky
For all things parenting! Her approach, especially about repair if you’ve had a low parenting moment, is game changing. She also has a great episode about setting boundaries for the holidays here.

Books
If you need a great book to dive into over the winter break, these are just a handful of my all time faves that are the best if you want to get sucked into another world for a time (which all great books do!)

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
This is the quintessential read if you want to escape to Scotland with a steamy romance, Highland war and adventures, and a bit of history mixed with time travel (and who doesn’t want all of that?!) But for real, the first three books in this series are possibly the books that are dearest to my heart for many reasons, the chief of which is that they are so well written and engrossing you are truly immersed in another world. My Granny discovered them many years ago and they were passed down through the women in my family, which is how they came to me. Bonus: Once you read the books, you can binge the series on Netflix, which is almost as good as the books.

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah
If you love stories of love, survival, and historical fiction, this one is one of the best (if not the best) I’ve ever read. It’s so good that after it came out, I put my own WW2/French Resistance historical fiction manuscript on the shelf, because she had done it so much better.

Circe by Madeline Miller
This one surprised me. It takes a story from Greek mythology and turns it into a memoir that is so gripping and life like, you might wonder if it actually happened. Could not put it down.

The Paper Palace by Miranda Cowley Heller
This is more of a summer read, but it’s truly an any time read if you want to be absorbed into a juicy love story that hits on all the tough subjects (infidelity, childhood trauma) but in a way that is full of compassion and somehow cathartic.

Warrior Goddess Wisdom by Heather Ash Amara
If you’re drawn to the ways of the Divine Feminine, this is a way to connect daily, quickly, and easily. Each page sets out a theme to work with or work through as a woman to become the most empowered, compassionate version of yourself.

TV
The Crown
Even if you’re not a Royalist like me, this series is SO good. It has everything drama, history, pop culture, and will definitely make you feel like your family is way more normal than you did before watching it.

Love Island UK
I know, I know. You say you don’t like reality TV. You say you don’t like trash TV. But I’m TELLING you—if you need to just dive into something that will help you turn your brain off, entertain you, and give you a relationship to dissect other than your own, this is the best there is.

The Last Kingdom
All I will say about this one is that my best friend who does not like Vikings, or historical fiction, or war stuff, LOVED this show. Basically, if you like good TV, this is it.

Platonic
I love Seth Rogen’s brand of comedy, so this might be biased, but this show was a sort of sneaky, easy watch that had me laughing out loud. It’s so relatable, especially if you are a woman with a platonic guy friendship that has spanned years.

John Mulaney: Baby J
If you’re in need of a good laugh—I mean like a crying laughing out loud kind of laugh—please do yourself a favour and watch this. Whatever stress the holidays and winter break present to you, I promise this will do so much to reset it.

Wishing you all a wonderful and peaceful rest of this year.

Until next time…

All good things your way,
Allison

Subrosa for December: Remembering To Just Be

Hello friends,

We’ve reached the month of December, and while for so many this can be full of joy and excitement, I think for many of us—especially us women—it can also bring with it a sense of anxiety, stress, and pressure that comes with the closing of the year, various holidays, time spent in complicated family dynamics, and also the looming of a looooong winter break if you have children at home.

For many years I’ve held mixed feelings about this season, until last year when I started connecting with the energy of the Winter Solstice, which allowed me to focus on an aspect of this time of year that didn’t have anything to do with gift buying or religion or anything outside of what truly matters.

The energy of the Winter Solstice is very much about aligning with the energy of the feminine, about going within and slowing down, about “being” rather than “doing”, reflecting on the past year and opening up to the possibilities of what the new year will bring. I find that in connecting with the solstice energy, it grounds me and offers a counterbalance to the holiday rush and chaos, and is a medicine for the soul when we can otherwise get caught up too much of the material world.

If the idea of having a grounding force to balance out the holiday hoopla speaks to you, I encourage you to explore the Winter Solstice and find ways that resonate with you to connect to its energy. To this end, I will also send out a separate offering of a meditation practice on the day of the Solstice, which will be on 12/21/2023 of this year, all about finding the light in the dark.

Women’s Writing Circle: A 4-Month Journey Starting in January

On the note of future offerings, I am putting out the option of forming a monthly Women’s Writing Circle membership that would take place on the third Sunday of every month from January to April of 2024 from 1-3 pm. I would offer these sessions in my home as with my previous writing and yoga workshops, and the beauty of having this type of offering is that we get to go on a journey together with the same group and support and witness each other’s growth over that time for a full circle experience. Each month would explore a theme of emotional exploration through writing, meditation, and yoga that would build over the course of 4 months.

If this is of interest to you, please email me and let me know. We need a minimum of 3 participants in order for this to take off.

Prompt Of The Month

The idea of success, and what real success is, has continued to come up in conversation for me over the last many months, and I’ve noticed it continue to be something that many of my friends grapple with as well.

Somewhere along the line, success has come to be defined by how much money you make, or how hard of a worker you are, or how “good” of a parent you are (whatever THAT means). And although I fall into this trap myself, I am grateful that I do remember to pull out of it, or sometimes I am reminded by a loved one to pull out of it.

If only we could see ourselves in the same loving light as those outside of us do.

I watch my friends who work, raise children, show up for their partners and families and friends and neighbours, try to incorporate self care, make nourishing food, exercise, balance finances, and every day put energy into being generally good humans. And yet I hear from so many of those same friends that they want to do more, that they can’t rest until they’ve achieved the next level of whatever defines their success to them. I know that this is their journey, but some days it’s so hard for me to witness because the truth is success of any lasting value has nothing to do with money, or status, or productivity—this we know. I’m not sure that it’s a concept worthy of merit, really. What is the point of success, in whatever terms it is defined, if all it gets you is stressed and tired and ends with wanting even more success? Perhaps if the pursuit of success was traded with purpose—the pursuit of trying to find out what your purpose is, and then following that—the result would be a sense of peace and fulfilment, something more lasting and rewarding than the ever moving goal of success.

But even with the idea of purpose, the ego can wind its way in and make it difficult to know what that is—or to follow it. Many years ago, I remember listening to a talk given by the author and spiritual teacher, Caroline Myss, about purpose. She talked about how everyone wants to know their purpose, but they don’t always like the answer. Because not all of us have a big, shiny purpose. We are not all meant to be movie stars or billionaires, or high academic and professional achievers. That can be part of it, sure. And it’s nice if it is, sure. But, she asked, what if your actual purpose was simply to live on that street, in that neighbourhood? To live there, to be kind to the people you interact with, and to hold the light in that little corner of the world. Would you have the courage then to live your purpose, to just be that person on that street, and to do it fully and completely and have it be enough? This question she asked is one that I come back to so often in my own contemplation.

And so the prompt of the month is on this idea—to ask yourself and then see what comes through on paper, without judgment or trying to change it:
How can I rest in just being rather than doing?
Is focusing on material success serving me?
What is my purpose, or part of my purpose here in this lifetime, and is there a way I can live it more fully?

Pose of the Month: Easy Pose

The pose of this month is Easy Pose, because if there is anything that is true, what’s needed right now is more ease and grace and less forcing and trying. This can be a deceptively difficult pose despite its name for several reasons. One is that if you have tight hips or knees, it can bring up some discomfort. If this is the case, please sit on a blanket and adjust so that you are not in any pain. You can even rest your back against a chair or couch if you need to.

The benefit of this pose and also the challenge is that it asks you to just sit in your being-ness. The challenge is that our minds start racing towards all the things we could be doing on the never ending to do list. The benefit is that in allowing yourself to just rest in being, you are called back to balance, to your true essence inside, that exists beyond the list of tasks that will always be there. This pose is a reminder that there is value in doing nothing.

I encourage you to take a quiet minute—or five—in easy pose this month whenever you find yourself too much in the “doing” part of life. Come to the floor or a chair, take a cross legged seat and allow yourself to sit in quiet, hands at your heart or resting on your lap. Breathe.

Final Thoughts

Last year, right around this time, I would say that I began a second spiritual awakening, or perhaps it’s better put as entering the next level of my spiritual journey. I had been feeling lost and disconnected for some time, and as December rolled around, I started receiving intuitive hits and guidance during my meditations to study and delve into the teachings and energy of the Divine Feminine.

Aside from what I had learned during my Yin Yoga training, I hadn’t ever really explored this aspect of, well, life. What began with following that guidance one step at a time evolved into my working deeply to balance my own feminine and masculine energies (still working on that), and in doing so, realizing how out of balance so many of us are as a collective. I felt called to do my part in sharing what I had learned, to be of service in helping others find balance, which then led to doing my 200 hour yoga teacher training, re-launching my therapeutic writing workshops to include yoga as well as meditation, followed by this newsletter, and here we are again, one year later.

What I find so fascinating is that as I reflect on all I’ve worked on and worked through this year, I feel in many ways as though I’m back at the beginning, starting over again. And that comes with mixed emotions. I think my ego would like me to be farther along—with what, I don’t know exactly, but probably all of the usual trappings—money, status, accolades, validation. And yet my heart, my higher self, knows that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be, and the fact that it seems as though I’m starting again from the same place is not even a slight coincidence, but, rather, divinely intentional.

One of the aspects that has been calling to me as I come back again to this beginning point is the idea of remembering. I feel pulled to go back to the foundation, to remember and revisit all of the trainings that have brought me to this place, but with fresh eyes, fresh ears, and an even more open heart. I’ve felt called to listen again to audiobooks and meditations from teachers that I first listened to when I was a teenager and my mother introduced me to the works she herself was reading. So rather than fighting the idea of starting over again, I’m going with the flow, and it’s as though I’m being given the chance to integrate those lessons and teachings in a deeper, visceral, and more embodied way now because I’ve lived enough life that I can understand and receive them with a bit more clarity on how they were meant to be received.

There is one teaching in particular that I’ve been called to revisit in which is the audiobook Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living The Wisdom of the Tao by Wayne Dyer. I remember listening to this on CD while I drove around in my parents’ green Pontiac Bonneville over 20 years ago. The concepts in this book are translations and interpretations of Lao Tzu’s Tao de Ching, which was recorded based on his teachings 2500 years ago and is, coincidentally (or not), the foundation on which the principles of Yin Yoga is built, although at the time I first listened there wasn’t even a glimmer of a thought in my mind that I would one day go on to be a teacher of yin yoga.

I remember having a lightbulb moment listening to this on CD years ago as Wayne Dyer explained the importance of learning to Just Be. He uses the analogy of an otter, explaining how an otter doesn’t try to be a different kind of otter—better, faster, more attractive, more successful; it doesn’t try to be a different kind of animal, like a hawk or a wolf. It just lives in its otter-ness and is thus entirely content in its experience of life as it was intended.

I hadn’t thought of this analogy for 20 years, so when I heard it again the other day as I went on my usual daily walks, I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself out loud. I laughed at the idea of my 18 year old self hearing this for the first time. I remembered hearing it that first time and sort of getting it and also being entirely perplexed—be like an otter? Sure, okay. I also laughed at the fact that it’s been 20 years and I’ve only now started to be able to embrace and embody this concept of just being—being myself, being human, being exactly where I am without trying or forcing to be somehow or somewhere other.

I laughed because it’s either funny or scary or sad or maybe all three that it can take us humans so damn long to learn these lessons that if we could just understand sooner would save us from so much pain and confusion and suffering. And yet, because all of life is paradox within the unity, therein lies the whole point. We are here to learn, to experience life in its entirety—the hard, the easy; the love, the pain; the mundane, the joy.

It’s the WHOLE point.

So as we move towards the Winter Solstice, and the sometimes frenetic energy this time of year brings, I wish you the ability to just be. To rest—if even for mere moments—in the heartfelt belief that you are enough, just the way you are, just for being here. Not because of the money you earn, not because of the activities you organize for your family, or the healthy or nutritious meals you make. Not because of your work ethic, or because of your productivity. Not because you are a good friend, or a good child, or a good parent, or a good partner. But because you are here, and that it took an entire miracle and confluence of energies and events to bring you here. And so just living, breathing, and being you, makes you entirely worthy and enough. Just like the otter.

Until next time…

All good things your way,
Allison

Subrosa for November: All About Feeling Safe

Hello friends,

I truly hope this finds you well.

The past weeks have been incredibly traumatic, stressful, and scary for so many. My hope is that with this message, I might be able to provide some support to help you facilitate a calming of the nervous system and a way back to balance for yourself.  

I believe in self healing, and the sovereignty we all have in knowing what our body, minds, and hearts need to feel better, to feel safe—and that we have within us the ability to give ourselves that. My intention is to provide support for you in getting there. So, to that end, in light of how busy so many of us are and given that the constraints of time are very real, I'm launching a free online offering this month of a shorter version of my in-person workshops. 

If you would like to give it a try, please check out my first ever (gulp) You Tube video. In this video you will still get all of the benefits of the practices I teach in my workshops—yoga, meditation, and expressive writing—but in less than 30 minutes, which you can do when it works for your schedule. 

Try Yoga & Writing To Calm The Nervous System

I would love to hear your feedback if you give this free, online version a try. What works—what didn't—and if you would like to see more!

Prompt Of The Month

Grab your notebook, settle in to a space where you are comfortable, and won’t be disturbed, and remember that this type of writing is all about just letting come through what needs to come through. Don’t judge or edit.

The prompt for this month (which you will also find in my online video) is about feeling safe in the body. If doing the full online practice doesn’t work for you, please just go ahead as usual and work through the prompt and pose of the month as you have been.

The prompt is: “What can you do today to feel more safe, more at peace, more at ease, within your body? Your mind? Your heart?

See what comes through, and if you can, take action, even if it’s a small, baby step, go ahead and do it. You won’t regret it:)

Pose of the Month: Forward Folding Butterfly Pose

Forward folds are the best poses when it comes to calming the nervous system and stretching out the posterior chain. The reason they work so well for soothing the mind and the body is that they mimic coming into a sort of fetal position, turning your attention inwards both literally and figuratively, as your eyes will naturally close as your body folds in towards its centre. The pose that I've been working with quite a bit over the last few weeks has been Forward Folding Butterfly Pose. 

The wonderful benefits of this pose are that it provides a full body stretch: The shoulders, the back, and the hips, as well as the groin and inner thighs, depending on how close or far apart from your body you hold your feet. 

In yin, we do this pose in a passive manner, meaning you are letting your neck and spine round (as opposed to keeping your spine straight) and your arms are allowed to rest gently at your side or in front, preferably with your palms facing upward to emphasize the surrenderer of this shape. 

You can do this pose at any time of day if you’re feeling the need to reset or balance out a sense of fear or overwhelm. Even if you can only stay in this pose for a couple of minutes, trust me, it works.

Final Thoughts

While I'm aware that you definitely do not come here to seek my thoughts or opinions on the state of the world, I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the deep pain that so many are in. 

When I thought on this, as trite as it may seem, the poem by Rumi came to mind:

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
There is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
The world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’
Doesn't make any sense.

When I started to research the meaning of this poem, different interpretations and translations from the original language in which it was written (Farsi) came up in my search. One alternate translation I discovered was rather bleak, and spoke to the fact what Rumi really meant to express was that everything—even the idea of a peaceful place between right and wrong—was a mirage. 

Although this translation isn’t as uplifting as the more accepted version, I thought this discrepancy was so apt for right now because within it is a reflection of the many different opinions, backgrounds, experiences, perspectives, and beliefs that make up the world, and at times cause such conflict. So that even this accepted translation we all know and accept as true is not that simple—there are other ways to read it, other versions, and clearly within it both a negative and a positive, a dark and a light, a yin and a yang. Which is exactly what is playing out on the world right now.

That being said, I think that the popular interpretation of this poem is a beautiful idea, even if it is not what was originally intended, and so that is the one that I choose to hold on to. Because I do believe that high above the places where we are different, and other, there is indeed space where everything is peaceful, where love resides, which is the place we all come from. And although it may take future generations, and much hardship still to get there, I believe that is a place where we will all eventually meet. 

Until next time…

All good things your way,
Allison

Subrosa for October: All About Time & Surrender

Hello friends,

Wow.

This last month has been a doozie, eh?

Although I practiced daily everything I know to help me sink in, enjoy the moment, and just flow with the energy that is, I found the last few weeks to be a major challenge. It was almost laughable how much I was throwing at the wall to try and chill out and make everything work without running myself ragged, but it just wasn’t working. Because of this I had the added weight of imposter syndrome because I feel like if I can’t do that for myself, how can I hold space and advocate for anyone else doing it? And from the conversations I’ve been having with other women, I know I’m not alone in the struggle to find more time and the feeling of just not getting it right. The pace of life really did get hot and fast out of nowhere at the start of September, and most days I’ve been finding myself challenged to keep up, trying to figure out how I was going to fit it all in.

Because of the intense pace that has set in with work, school, and parenting obligations recently, I’ve found myself reflecting a lot on the concept of time, and how the lack of or abundance of it governs so much of our lives. How the paradox of it is that we need to surrender to the limitations of time, while also exercising our sovereignty in choosing to make space for more time that is full of calm and ease. I’m fascinated by Kairos time, the idea of which I’ve been playing with stepping into to get away from the frantic pace that has set in. If you’ve never heard of Kairos time, this is how it is described by one of my favourite teachers, Rebecca Campbell:

“The ancient Greeks spoke of two different types of time: Kairos time and Chronos time. Chronos time is linear time—time that can be measured in seconds, minutes, hours, and years. It’s the type of time that is required to arrive at an appointment on time, meet a deadline, or catch a bus.

Kairos time is soul time.

It is the place where all healing happens, where all intuition resides, where all serendipity happens and where all creative ideas come to you whole.”

As with all things in life, time, and the managing of it, is a paradox. Time is infinite as the universe is infinite, however, it is also finite. Our days end, our mornings come, and we are limited by Chronos time with how much we can do in a day. We need Chronos time—that’s how we are able to live on a schedule, to respect appointments, other people’s boundaries, and also our own limitations as human beings. (We need to eat and sleep after all.) But without moments spent in Kairos time, we are overly immersed in linear time, in to-do lists, in being governed by a clock, and we were never meant to exist entirely without the other side of time, the one that feels spacious, supportive, loving, and infinite.

You can recognize when you’re in Kairos time, or infinite time, when you feel like you’ve only been doing something for a short period but you look up and realize that somehow an hour or more has passed; or conversely, when you’ve only been doing something for a short while, but it’s felt much longer. It’s that feeling you might remember when you were a kid playing outside after dinner, when you only had one more hour before bedtime to play. That hour felt precious because it would end soon, and also felt endless because you were going to squeeze everything you could out of it. That hour stretched open because you willed it so. Afterwards, when it was over, you went to bed happily exhausted and satisfied because that time in the infinite was all you needed to feel the magic.

As adults, stepping into Kairos time is more challenging because we have more to do and more responsibilities that rely on linear time being adhered to. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make space for that magic hour feeling. In fact, it means we need it more.

This past weekend I had the privilege of going up to our cottage overnight with my husband while our parents watched the kids. I set the intention of stepping into Kairos time for as much of it as I could. I laid on the dock with a blanket over me in the late afternoon, and I waited until the old, familiar anxiety passed of having to get up and do something or help someone. And once that feeling passed, it was like walking into a different existence. It wasn’t for long, but for that time that I lay on the dock, I soaked up the essence of infinity, of space, of expansion.

When I got up so that we could start making dinner, I knew that by the time I got back to the city the next day the hustle would try to knock it’s way back in, but because I had allowed myself those moments on the other side of time, I felt better prepared to re-enter my daily life because I had created an opportunity for my body, my mind, and my soul to be recharged.

Prompt Of The Month

So on that note, the Prompt Of The Month is about how you can find ways that work for you to surrender, to let go of trying to fit it all in, and to find a way to stretch and ease time for yourself—if for only a few moments a day.

Get set up:
Grab your notebook, light a candle if that feels good, and take 6 deep cycles of breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth to settle into your body and the moment. Once you feel like you’re “here”, answer the following prompts—all of them or maybe just one—letting the writing flow without stopping or judging. Make a commitment to write for at least five minutes, but if you’re there for longer, great!

• How can I surrender to “what is” rather than trying to force a way for “what is not possible” into existence?

• How can I create more space to step into a slower pace each day, even if it’s only for five minutes a day?

• What can I do now so that my future self will thank me?

If you can’t carve out the time to write this month, just take these prompts as ideas to ponder—on a walk, in the shower, however, and whenever you can.

Pose of the Month: Child’s Pose or Balasana

I chose to offer up Child’s Pose as the pose of the month because this is a shape that embodies and evokes surrender. And by surrender, I don’t mean capitulation or giving in. I mean surrendering to what is, to the moment, to the circumstance that you find yourself in, rather than trying to make life be something that it isn’t. In a way, it’s a pose that stops time for the extent that you’re in it. It also invites you to close your eyes, to have a moment where all you see is the space behind your eyes, all you hear is your breath moving in and out, giving you a moment to tap into the whispers of your inner life, where the real wisdom lies within your heart space. This is the place where the part of you that knows—that really knows—resides.

There are many benefits that come along with this pose, and several ways you can approach it. You can do a traditional Balasana, where your spine curves and your arms come down to your sides. Or, my preferred version, Extended Child’s Pose, where you bring your toes to touch, knees wide as is comfortable, and you sink your hips back, walking your arms forward through your fingertips. You can make this a passive pose by letting your forearms rest on the ground, or an active stretch by reaching your arms out as far as you can until you feel a comfortable elongation in your shoulder blades and upper back. It’s really up to you. Whichever version you choose, I highly recommend that, as with last month’s pose, Legs Up The Wall, you use this pose as a means of support when you need it most, whether that’s in transition between your work and home life, if you’re having a stressful day and need a reset, or as you’re getting ready for bed as a way to signal to your body that it’s time for rest. All you need is 3-5 minutes, but if you can’t get that, take one. Your nervous system will respond to what you give it for nourishment, even if it’s mere moments throughout the day.

Here are some more benefits of this pose to help you connect with the “why” if you need a reason to give it a try this month when the overwhelm sets in. (Bonus points if you use it in combination with Legs Up The Wall for a real nervous system reset):

• Relaxes the Body: Child's Pose helps in releasing tension in the back, shoulders, and neck, which is useful for decompressing after a busy day.

• Improves Flexibility: It stretches the hips, thighs, and ankles, helping to keep your body supple and ready for other tasks.

• Promotes Mindfulness: The pose allows you to focus on your breathing, helping you become aware of the present moment.

• Reduces Stress: The pose is known to calm the mind, thereby reducing stress and anxiety.

• Encourages Surrender: The act of folding forward is symbolic of letting go and surrendering to the universe, aligning well with the theme of accepting limitations.

• Boosts Emotional Balance: By providing a safe, grounded feeling, it can help balance overwhelming emotions.

• October's Atmosphere: As fall sets in, the pace of life might feel like it's speeding up with holidays and year-end tasks. Child's Pose is an excellent counterbalance.

• Low Impact: This pose is suitable for people of all fitness levels, offering a moment of pause in a hectic routine.

• Energy Channeling: By temporarily shutting out external stimuli, it allows you to channel your energy and focus on what truly matters.

October Workshop Offering:
Healing Through Writing & Yoga for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
When: Thursday, October 26th from 7-9 pm
Where: RENNI Wellness Center, 313 Markham St, Toronto
Cost: $46; register here to reserve your spot www.allisonmcdonaldace.com/workshops
What To Bring: A notebook, a pen, and an open heart
What It’s About: October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. In light of this, I am presenting a special workshop at Renni Wellness Center that is designed to support those going through fertility issues across the spectrum of trying to conceive, the grief of pregnancy and infant loss, and anything in between. I am particularly positioned to hold space in this setting I have gone through pregnancy loss and secondary infertility myself, and it was through those experiences that I became an advocate for healing and speaking openly about these life experiences. This workshop will begin with a gentle yin practice to come into the body in a supportive, loving way, followed by a guided meditation and a guided writing experience in group that will allow participants to access what emotions need to be felt, and what experiences need to be released, in order for them to move forward with greater inner peace on their journey through fertility issues.  

Final Thoughts

This month, as I’ve been trying to find ways to balance, organize, and stretch time to fit in all the things, I’ve found myself turning again and again to the Power of 3.

The significance of the number 3 spans across all religions and all traditions, from Christian, Buddhist, Hindu religions and beyond, to more ancient and forgotten traditions. The planet is comprised of 3 elements: earth, water, and sky. Our days have 3 phases, morning, afternoon, and evening. The life of a woman can be viewed through 3 phases, that of the Maiden, Mother, and Crone, or to put it another way, Act 1, Act 2, and Act 3. Even now in popular culture the concept of mind, body, and spirit is at the core of how we are taught to approach health and healing in a more holistic way, not ignoring any one part.

As life has become as full as it has this month, I’ve been challenged to figure out how to fit in the practical aspects of life, to know how much of what: Food, water, exercise, self care time, work time, family time—the list goes on. Because I could easily just work non stop, without breaks or self care, but the truth is if I did that, not only would I suffer for it but I know that those around me would not be receiving my best self, which is a huge part of what I believe my purpose in this life is—to just exist as someone who shows up for others, holds space, and ensures that they are met with love and care to the best of my ability. So the intuition that has continued to come back to me is to just work with the Power of 3, and that if I do that, it will be enough. It has to be.

This is what that looks like for me, and I offer it up to you in case it might be helpful in finding a way to navigate or decide how much of what, how to organize it, and a way to feel that you’ve done “enough” without taking on too much.

• I break up my day into 3 phases:

• Self care | Work care | Family & House Care

• I choose 3 tasks a day per category that are realistic to achieve so that at the end of the day I can feel at ease that I’ve done as much as I can do in one day without taking on more than I can achieve in a day.

• I plan for 3 days of strength training a week to ensure I’m maintaining muscle mass and releasing excess energy, which serves me in being more relaxed.

• I slot in 30 minutes of walking a day, even if that’s at night after I put my kids to bed, in order to help me get into nature and decompress.

• I eat 3 meals a day as a non-negotiable rule, which is a way to make sure that I am factoring in 3 breaks throughout my work day and don’t skip meals in favour of just ploughing through work or the endless to-do list of home and parenting tasks.

• I name 3 things I’m grateful for at the start of end of each day. It’s a helpful reminder that despite how hard it might seem, there is always some ease or lightness to be found.

I hope that in sharing what I’ve been working through this month, at the very least, you feel less alone in your own personal challenges. And at the very most, I hope that these practices I’m offering can help you to carve out space for yourself this month—to breathe, to go inward, to find some calm in your body, if for no other reason so that you have the energy to keep going without burning out. But even more than that, for the reason that they can be a powerful way to help you shift your energy out of linear time and into infinite time, even for brief moments a day.

The deep truth is that we were never meant to be this busy. There is no reward at the end of life for having been busy, or productive. No one will care what your job title was, or how much money you made (although those things are great and not to be disregarded—they just aren’t the sum of a life). More than that, people will remember how you showed up for them, and in turn how you let them show up for you. How you made them feel, and how you didn’t let the race of time get in the way of what truly matters, or at least you tried not to. That’s not to say that our work and daily life tasks don’t matter. They do. Our jobs provide income for ourselves and our families, and can offer a great sense of meaning and purpose to our days. Life’s little tasks and responsibilities are the foundation of being human, and they can create structure and a sense of doing things for ourselves and others. But balance in all things is the key, and overly focusing on putting time into work or to-do lists will not yield the same quality of life that I believe most of us truly desire—one that has room for both kinds of time. One that allows for the surrender to what is, and what can only be, rather than trying to force more into what is only meant to hold so much.

I am not perfect at this practice—far from it. I don’t know if perfect exists in anything, really, except for nature. And we are nature, so I guess we are perfect just by our existence. But chasing perfection in our habits and what we do or how we do it is a fool’s errand. I know that for sure. So for now, this time thing, and this surrender thing, are a practice for me just as anyone else. I’ll let you know how it goes;)

Until next time…

All good things your way,
Allison

Subrosa for September: All About Joy & Presence

Hello friends,

Welcome to the inaugural offering in the Subrosa newsletter series, written and sent with love by me to you at the start of each month. I’m so grateful you’re here! I intend to provide free writing prompts and poses that you can do from home so that I can share with you what it is that I have found healing and supportive in my own practice (because everything I share with others, I also do myself). You will also find details and sign up information for my current workshop offering. This month it will be held at Evergreen Brickworks with the changing leaves and sounds of birds and nature as a backdrop. Lastly, I will let you in on any lessons and insights I’m working on or working through because I’ve learned that sharing of our individual experiences can sometimes make the difference in another’s journey.

So without further ado, here we go!

Prompt Of The Month

This month's guided writing exercise is about joy and being in the moment. September can bring with it a sense of melancholy and time running out as summer comes to a close and winter is around the corner. Commercials and social media posts remind us of this incessantly, and as we enter back-to-school or back-to-work mode, it brings a mixed bag of lifestyle and schedule changes, all of which can be (at the very least) overwhelming. This kind of messaging that we see in the media and even from well meaning friends and family who vent their own stress about this season just don’t serve us, and actually do so much to induce an anxiety that doesn't need to be there. So your writing exercise for this month is one you can use daily, or weekly, or just as a one off, but it will help you to shut out all of the noise and come back into the present where you can access the wisdom within about what’s actually true for you at this time of year.

Get set up:

Grab your notebook, light a candle if that feels good, and take 6 deep cycles of breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth to settle into your body and the moment. Once you feel like you’re “here”, answer the following prompts, letting the writing flow without stopping or judging. Make a commitment to write for at least five minutes, but if you’re there for longer, great!

• How can I bring more joy into my life?

• How can I release the pressures of linear time that are no longer serving me?

• If I could do anything, just because it was fun, what would it be?

It’s one thing to receive guidance from your inner wisdom and know yourself more deeply. But if you can, find a way to act on what came through—even one, small action that would answer the call of what came through—and you might just feel a little bit lighter.

Pose Of The Month

If you do nothing else this month to give yourself time to move your body intentionally and find ease amidst the hustle and bustle of September, I highly recommend Legs Up The Wall Pose (Viparita Karani in Sanskrit). This pose is my go-to. I use it on stressful days to help reduce any unwanted cortisol uptick or to simply have five minutes when I’m transitioning from my work to home life to help me reset. The beauty is that it only takes five minutes to get the incredible benefits of this pose. If you don’t have fives minutes, take two. Just a few moments in this pose will serve you on a physical, emotional, and mental level (that’s why it’s my go-to pose!)

Here are just a few of the well-documented benefits:

• Activating the parasympathetic nervous system (your rest & digest response) and deactivates the sympathetic nervous system (your stress response).

• Improves circulation and reduces swelling and inflammation

• Helps alleviate low back pain and stretch tight hamstrings

• You can listen to relaxing music or a gentle podcast if sitting in silence is too hard at first. But if you can, use it as a time to just be quiet and go inward. (Bonus: By doing that you’re also meditating at the same time—two birds, one stone!)

*Some cautions for those new to the pose: Watch for any pressure being felt in the head and reduce the incline if this is noticed. For pregnant women, use with caution and consult your doctor before trying anything you are unsure of. Watch for any tingling or numbness of the legs and bend the knees until the sensation has passed.*

September Workshop Offering:
Healing Through Writing & Yoga For The Autumn Equinox
When: Thursday, September 28 @11 am
Where: Evergreen Brickworks
Cost: $33 to reserve your spot (by e-transfer to allison.mcdonald.ace@gmail.com)
What To Bring: A notebook, a pen, a yoga mat & comfortable walking shoes
What It’s About: The Autumn Equinox on September 23rd heralds the beginning of harvest time, both in the material world and also internally. This is a time to reflect on what you have built, the progress you have made (however slow or small it might seem) and begin to gather all the benefits that come from that to sustain you through the coming colder months. Evergreen Brickworks provides a beautiful nature setting where we will walk together to our sacred circle up a hill to the top of the quarry. Our time will begin with a gentle yin yoga practice to come into the body, followed by a meditation to settle the mind, all in preparation for a guided expressive writing session where you will be led with prompts to go inward and allow to come through what needs to come through.

Final Thoughts

Before I sign off, I thought I would share the lessons I learned this summer from my travels in case they resonate with you.

After having been locked down in a pandemic, I, like so many, was excited to get back to travelling abroad. On top of that, I turned 40 along with my closest friends, so this summer held a bit more meaning to it. It felt like almost every weekend I was celebrating with friends and family. The peak was a bucket list trip to France that my husband, two boys and I embarked on. We started off in Paris and Lyon and then drove south to Provence to a villa with a pool overlooking a wild valley nestled among the mountains. It was, in short, stunning. But here’s the thing about bucket list trips. They come with expectations. And while it was a wonderful, life affirming experience, it wasn’t as carefree as I had envisioned, and for no other reason than that when you turn 40 (or any age where you feel the start of a new chapter) there is a lot of introspection that goes on. Here’s what came out of that self reflection:

1) Expectations are a waste of mental energy. See below.

2) Bucket lists are overrated. Honestly, this trip was so incredible in every way. I can still taste the cheese and baguette we ate beneath the Eiffel Tower sitting on a blanket as my kids chased pigeons. But the thing is, it never ever looks or feels how you think it will (sometimes it’s better). I think having trips you think about and dream about for years on end and set up as the culmination of your life’s experience up until that point is just going to set you up for anxiety. It will never look and feel as you envisioned, and so even when it looks and feels EVEN BETTER, the dissonance between what you imagined it would be like and how it actually lands is disconcerting. I think planning a year or two in advance is great, but don’t hold out for a trip ten or twenty years from now as holding some kind of magic. You’re just going to end up having the Sunday scaries half the time you’re there.

3) Timing is EVERYTHING. If I had gone on this trip even one year ago, I wouldn’t have been able to fully enjoy and sink into the many layers of it as I did this summer. Not because I wouldn’t have loved where we went and who we spent time with, but I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate as deeply what it all meant and how privileged I was to have this kind of experience. This trip came at the exact right time for myself and my family.

4) Kids get a bad rap for so many things, especially with travel. I was so nervous about how my kids would do on the long flights, long drives, and all the unknowns, but they blew me out of the water with how wonderful, adaptable, and in awe they were of everything and everyone we encountered. In fact, I think they travelled better than I did. So, just to say (back to that expectations thing) sometimes, people will surprise you in the best of ways.

5) Having a routine is very important, and shaking up that routine is just as important. I am a creature of habit, a typical homebody Cancerian, a true extroverted-introvert. I thrive on a quiet routine and being in a space where I feel at home and comfortable. While living that way is so important to my equilibrium, I know that without change there is no growth, and so I embraced the discomfort of not being in my routine and found a sort of resilience within myself in seeing that I was able to exist outside of my comfort zone for longer than I have in many years.

6) Getting older is a privilege, and 40 is a wonderful age. It's the start of a second act and an opportunity to take inventory of what's working--and what isn't--to empower the next phase of your journey. Coincidentally, leaving the country is a great way to find the mental space and clarity to take that inventory.

7) Comparison really is the death of joy. I can’t tell you how many times in Paris I had to remind myself of this as I wondered how the beautiful woman walking by me was able to pull off long pants in 45 degree heat without looking entirely frazzled while I was close to expiring in—horror of horrors to Parisian fashion—shorts! But when I was able to turn that comparison and envy into celebrating that woman’s awesomeness of being in her skin so effortlessly while also celebrating me in my own, my experience changed from one of feeling a kind of internal squeeze to an expansive love and acceptance for people in all shapes and styles.

8) The life you were given was not an accident. You were meant to live it fully—the joy, the sorrow, the mundane. All of it. So when the good stuff comes, embrace it completely, as it will carry you through the hard stuff when it inevitably shows up as well.

9) Gratitude will get you everywhere. We hear it over and over again but it really is true. I believe that the gratitude I felt and expressed regularly on this trip—to my husband, my children, the taxi driver who got us to the train station in time, our villa AirBnB host, my best friend and her family who drove all the way from England just so we could have 3 days together—made a difference to the energy of our trip, and to the everlasting memories I will carry with me. Not only are they indelibly marked in my mind, but because of the gratitude I made a point to cultivate, that feeling has stayed with me and made an impression that has lingered long after our return back to Canada.

On the note of gratitude, thank you once again for your presence, your support, and your friendship. I hope that this has been helpful, entertaining, or insightful (or all three!) wherever this finds you on your own path.

If you have any questions or comments you would like to share with me, please do email me. My wish is that this platform serves as a catalyst for connection from here and beyond.

All good things your way,
Allison

Introducing Subrosa: A Monthly Newsletter Series

Hello friends,

I'm writing today to invite you to my monthly newsletter series, Subrosa, launching in September. 

My intention with this newsletter series is to connect with you here in this intimate space so that I can share free writing prompts and practices, as well as my own writing on insights, challenges, or lessons I'm working through in my personal life, in the event that sharing of my own experience is helpful to your journey in any way. My belief is that it's through the honest sharing of our individual experiences and vulnerabilities that we are given the opportunity to heal ourselves and others on a deeper level. By understanding that we are not alone on this journey, we all have something to glean from one another. 

Each month I will offer up a free mini version of the theme I’ll be honing in on in my workshops so that you can be supported from wherever you are if you’re unable to attend in person. These will be any combination of guided writing exercises you can do at home (or anywhere!), guided meditations, and yin yoga poses to help you come into the body and calm the nervous system.

Lastly, my intention is also to share what workshops and offerings I have planned around the city so that if you're interested in attending in person, or you know someone who is, you will find them all listed here as well as linked to my website.  

A note on the name of this series: Subrosa means literally "under the rose" and refers to the secrets and mysteries of life and the divine feminine energy that had to go underground in order to survive. I have been working deeply with the divine feminine energy and the symbolism of the rose over the last year and believe we are in a pivotal time where reconnecting with the energy of the feminine and bringing that back into the world and into balance with the masculine is crucial for us all to heal on an individual and collective level. These energies have nothing to do with gender of course, but more with the qualities of the feminine and masculine that exist within all of us. I hope in sharing what I have learned by working with the empowered feminine to do my part in helping others in connecting with this part of themselves so we can all return to our sovereignty and heart centred wisdom—the rose—within us. 

If you're receiving this newsletter it's because we have connected in some way, either through my work, through friendship, or both. However, if these newsletters are not for you please don't worry. Either way, it's all good. 

I will be sending out my inaugural newsletter the first Sunday in September, so please stay tuned for that to come shortly, and until then, you can check out what I have going on over on my website: allisonmcdonaldace.com.

Sending you all the good vibes!

Namaste, 
Allison